29 September 2008

Not so happy Monday

Oh pooh, blast and dammit. Got on the scales this morning and the weight has gone UP to 76.5kg - so I've damned well put weight on. Not a great start to my week, so I'm not happy bunny!

Yeah, I know - it is my own fault. Can't put the blame on anyone else, can I? When I stop and think, it probably has much to do with last week being one of less exercise than I'd ideally have liked to do - the knee and back are being a pain... literally! Roll on seeing the GP. But that isn't the whole story, is it girl? I know I got very fed up as well, so don't suppose the food choices I made were all that sensible either, especially at the start of the week.

OK, it's only about a one pound change but it's in the wrong direction and I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't at least stay stable at 76kg. I guess I shouldn't expect miracles but my aim to be 75kg by the time we go away for our break seems to be slipping away from me. My motivation is not great right now.

After that as a starting point the blue meanies have really hit me today. It was dark when I left for work this morning - not fully dark, but enough to make me feel depressed. It was also cold, well chillier than it has been, and my journey in was a long, hassle-filled one so I got to work cold, late, aching and less than cheery. It'll be dark when I get home after Chi Kung tonight too. It isn't even October yet and the weather forecast for the rest of this week looks dreadful - this doesn't feel good at all.

I'm really going to need to think long and hard about how I'm going to keep my fat ass on track in the colder, darker days ahead. I do not want to stay at this weight forever but I'm worried that if it changes at all, it will not be a change for the better.

Get serious girl! A good talking to is needed here - apart from the exercise, which is a bit of a challenge right now, what I'm doing wrong at the moment includes:

  • Not thinking carefully before I eat something - do I really want/need it? Am I actually hungry?
  • Not eating slowly and taking time to taste and enjoy every bite of the food in front of me
  • Eating things because they are there, or having 'just a little treat'... too darned often.
  • Eating too much in one go - I need to reduce the portions I dish up... again
  • Having a glass of wine or beer in the week, and more than just once - I did cut down on alcohol but...
  • Not eating enough fruit and veg - the bread & meat intake has increased again! Time to rediscover cottage cheese?
If I'm being honest, even the exercise can be increased - just a bit creatively. I need to start walking at lunchtime again, even if I do limp. If I plan for success I might just achieve it.

And, when someone tells me I'm looking good (which has happened a couple of times in the last week or so), I must remember just what they are comparing my appearance with! I was fat, actually very FAT, so whilst I look better now than before, it's still NOT what I'd class as 'good'. Still measuring in at a wobbly size 16 I'm kidding myself if I think I'm skinny now - I'm still very firmly overweight - a fat lass, in fact.

Want proof? Just look in the mirror and see that belly. While it may be cute on this...

...it's not cute on me!

If I want that to change it means putting in the hard graft - starting NOW!

On a lighter note, hubby saw me stuffed into 'that dress' yesterday. As I mentioned, it is extremely (oh boy!) tight, but he says it will be stunning once I've lost some more weight. So, more love per square inch, eh? I've just got to get myself there!


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