25 September 2008

Life is a bit of a rollercoaster ride

Life is full of little ups and downs. They've all happened this week... and it's only Thursday. It has not been a great week for food (some 'naughtier' options early on in the week) so far, but a reasonable week for exercise (considering everything), a pretty poor week healthwise, an awful week for body image and a very variable week for motivation. Plus ├ža change...!

Saw the physio on Tuesday and, after about two months of work on my part, she does see some progress... just not a lot, and certainly less than I'd hoped for. I have to confess I'm a bit disappointed and rather demoralised as I really have been trying hard to make progress. Never mind, pick myself up, keep on doing what I'm doing now (but more so), on to the next review in November and then start with Plan B.

The knee and lower back have conspired against me to make for a few painful days (and nights!) since the weekend. Getting precious little sleep and becoming more tired by the day doesn't make things easy to keep to the plan. My patience has flagged and my temper has become a whole lot shorter - this means I'm not the only one suffering. I hate taking pills (somehow it feels like I'm failing), but sometimes there really isn't a choice if you need to keep moving - so painkillers 'r us this week. What's the betting that it will all have settled down by the time I get to see my GP?

The wonderful world of work is a sniffly, miserable place at the moment. I'm OK (and taking Vitamin C in the form of an orange a day!), but quite a few people here have colds, sore throats, etc. Don't give it to me - I don't want it!

Some reasons to be grateful though. I spoke to a good friend of mine a couple of days ago and she is really going through a bad time. There is nothing we can do to help, except be there for support - that makes me feel quite ashamed for all my whining. I've just found out that my brother isn't doing too well either. And to make things even more pointed, I saw a picture of my ex. I know he has been ill but he looks really, really old and haggard and he is only nine years older than me - again, that makes me aware that my 'wee problems' are not actually terribly serious.

On a positive note, I have now got a posh frock to give me some motivation and a target to aim for. It's black, it's long, it's slinky and it's absolutely nothing like anything I've ever worn (or owned!) in my life. It's also a size 14, and doesn't look like a particularly generous cut to my jaundiced eye. I can just about manage to shoe-horn myself into it and, with a struggle, get the zip done up... but can't then breathe or move. Hmmm, so it's not going to be worn this Christmas, but perhaps next?

It is beyond amazing to me to think that I'm even considering something like this. A year ago I'd have a) avoided going anywhere that entailed posh clothes and b) if forced to dress up as a girl, hidden my flab in a tent!


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