Feeling better after a good weekend and a rant

Amazing what getting it all off one's chest can do, isn't it? My weight may not have decreased all that much, but thankfully I'm back to roughly where I started again. Er, let me clarify that! What I mean is that I'm back under my 'shock horror' over ten stone point and wavering around the 62kg mark again. That is a much better place for the fat lass to be.

Better yet, my decidedly grumpy frame of mind has improved somewhat. I've even calmy coped with quite a large liquid spill (hmmm, half a bucket's worth of the wet stuff goes a looooong way!) without getting cross with the individual who made the mess - a big improvement, particularly as they took some persuading to help in the clear-up.

I've already had a lovely walk in the sunshine and am feeling very much more serene. I'll be out there again later, given half a chance. The plan now is to concentrate on eating healthily, walking as much as possible and building in the gym whenever I can (although, sadly, this can't be very often at the moment). My Chi Kung class restarts tonight and I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm not going to stress over the weight changes, even if the scales say I've gained again. My clothes still fit, despite the remainder of the bloated feeling around the belly (and ankles!), so I'm going to accept the variations for now, carry on taking my pills and see what happens. It is, after all, very early days.

I'm not giving up. I will reach my target and I will stay there! Oooh, I'd got so close and it was horrifying to think that it might all be falling apart - a little over-reaction on my part but I guess that's hormones for you. But, it wasn't all descending into chaos - it's just that getting to where I want to be just might take a little longer than I'd hoped. That's life though.

Going home

Wow! What a difference it made going back to Chi Kung last night.

The knees behaved impeccably throughout, bless 'em. Albeit they had still swelled a bit by the end of the day, particulary the left one, but never mind. It felt like I'd come home. It was lovely to be remembered and welcomed back by the tutor and some of the long-standing class members and such a treat to slip back into a well remembered routine and not have to worry about a joint giving way at an inconvenient moment and me ending up on the floor in agony. So comfortable and comforting - I just LOVED it and, with a peaceful smile on my face, almost floated out of there at the end. An hour just shot by!

Even better in some ways, the careful body posture visualisation, the measured, calm breathing and the intense concentration on precise and repetitive movements cleared my head of the usual daily work stresses and meant I slept right through the night, with no bad dreams or 3 a.m. fretting. Bliss!

It's funny, for all I loved the salsacise sessions I think my enjoyment must always have been tempered by an underlying fear that I was pushing the joints just a bit too much. I'll miss the music and the giggles when I got it wrong... yet again, but I think the Chi Kung probably suits me better. I can't wait to go back next week.

A little light...?

Well, I don't know what is going on with my weight. Hard on the heels of an 'oh my God!' shock, horror gain is an equally astounding 'say what!' sort of a loss.

This morning (for good or ill I still can't help but check it daily, she sighs sadly) the scales were back down to 63kg. Huh? What's going on here? No entiendo, non capisco, ich verstehe nicht or, to put it another way, WTF?

In my book, a mere two days to lose 3 whole kilos whilst eating fairly decent amounts of good fresh produce and doing some sensible exercise (but not going mad-crazy) does not compute. Does this mean my scales are having a bad hair day today...or did they have one on Monday, for that matter?

Ho hum, don't know. I'll try hopping on again tomorrow and see what surprises are in store for me then. In the meantime I can happily report that munching my veggies and staying clear of the bread and treats for a couple of days seems to be helping me feel a bit more like 'me' and less of a bloated blob. I feel that a small window of motivation may be opening up... I just need to push and squeeze to get onto the other side and really go for it! My next goal is still that magical 60kg.

Oh, and the bad news - and ain't there always some. I am going to have to give up my beloved salsacise classes (violins play and tears creep into my eyes). As much fun as it is, and I sometimes laugh so hard at my lack of co-ordination that I almost cry, my dodgy knee just cannot cope with carrying on much longer. This week I had to stop and give it a break on more than one occasion as it was howling. What's more, it stays very irritable for longer and longer. Not good - the fat lass concludes that the damage she's done to herself over the years of carrying excess weight is a permanent feature. Growl!

So, next term I'll be going back to the Chi Kung class, which is not a bad thing. It is definitely not high-impact and should be good for me. For my poor knee and for 'me' spiritually as well as physically. It does mean that getting back to the gym needs to move up the priority list a little more quickly too.

Blue meanies

Oh Lordy! So much for my grandiose thoughts of shedding the remaining lbs by Christmas. I should have known that I was tempting fate.

Just a little while after I posted on Monday things started getting a wee bit out of control again. In fact, this week isn't going very well at all, so far.

I had a headache for most of the day on Monday, but didn't think too much of as I was pretty tired after the weekend, and the start of the week was nothing if not hectic! But, I ended up going home at the end of Monday with a muzzy and aching head, achy most other places, a bit of a sore throat and eyeballs feeling like they'd been lightly sandpapered. Not altogether a happy bunny.

Because I felt grotty, I missed my Chi Kung class - and then, of course, felt dreadfully guilty about not going. Pooh!

Hubby had made us some lovely onion squash soup, which was great (I may post his recipe sometime), but I still felt pretty sorry for myself, so ended up going to bed quite early with paracetamol and a hot drink. It wasn't milky hot chocolate, although if we'd had any in the house, it would have been. Still not sleeping properly - despite this lurgy/virus/whatever, or maybe because of it?

Tuesday was much the same, with me surviving another busy, hassle-filled day on willpower and paracetamol (and the odd tissue). I did have a session with the Physio in the afternoon though, and that was quite positive.

The down-side was that I'd taken a birthday cake in for a friend and, er, didn't just have the ladylike little slice that I'd planned. Oh no, it was a decent old chunk of deliciously gooey pear and Belgian chocolate cake that passed my lips. And, once I got home and had eaten the bacon and bean stew for dinner (not awful, but not overly healthy), I still felt 'orrid so lovely hubby put me to bed with a very generous glass of whisky mac!

Not a fantastic night and today dawned feeling, oooh let's guess, aching and dismal. And, mother nature has decided that this is a perfectly reasonable time to land me with her monthly revenge for my being born female, bless her! So that's why chocolate has seemed soooo terribly enticing for the last few days. Stopped at a coffee shop on the way in for paracetamol and a hot drink. Success. Avoided the sweet stuff by the skin of my teeth.

Until, that is, break time, when a scone tripped me up. I did scrape off the spread but... Today, my nice healthy fruit box (apple, pear, banana and clementines) just couldn't compete. My patience and temper have got even shorter through the morning (is that possible, the fat lass wonders?) so I hid at the bottom of the fire escape and munched my lunch in relative peace. OK, it was cold and uncomfortable, but it saved me snarling at anyone.

There is a little relief in sight for this afternoon - one of my meetings has been postponed, thank heavens! I'll try to eat a sensible, healthy dinner tonight (because of my lousy planning we are eating out tonight too) but if I lose an ounce this week I'll be amazed. Even staying where I am is looking less likely. Right, off for another cuppa and a paracetamol.

A great evening... and a good day today?

Really enjoyed my Chi Kung class last night. Once again, all the day's cares just drifted away and I came away really content. Can't exactly say I bounced out of there, but at least I hobbled happily. And what's more, my lovely hubby met me when I got off the bus too - heaven!

We got home to one of hubby's super soups. This one was Pea, Sweet Potato and Leek (with a few scraps of leftover ham shredded into the mix). Delicious, filling and warming, with a hunk of bread. Just the ticket for an autumn evening.

Confession time. I cheated this morning and got on the scales again - I just couldn't help myself. I may be proved wrong, but yesterday's tale of woe 'may' possibly have been an unpleasant blip as they are back to reading 76kg again today. Whether I'm right or not, this makes me feel happier and more motivated. I still haven't lost any weight, but at least I may not have gone up. Please, pretty please?

I know, I know - I shouldn't take too much notice of scale readings but it's very hard to stay in that 'objective' zone, and keep the motivation going, when I'm faced with a rise. How about you guys?

However, I'm not intending to rest on my laurels. Yesterday was a wake up call and I'm still going to get to grips with all those points I thought seriously about and listed. Why? Because I want to drop to my target within the next three weeks, and then keep right on going down. That dress deserves to be worn!

As a start, I've been walking at lunchtime - to hell with the weather! Walked for about an hour and it was lovely, although the knee doesn't like me too much right now. The leaves turning red and yellow made me smile. It kind of means I've missed out on the whole eating lunch bit, so I'm nibbling a little bit of dried fruit to keep me going, with an orange to come later. Going to have to plan this better and bring something easily nibbled when I get back - I used to have chopped veggies and cottage cheese, so they had better return to my lunch box.

A BIG milestone!

Well, this evening has turned out to be rather a fine one.

Starting with a visit to the GP for my three-monthly check - the good news is that I've lost another 6kg. This means I've now lost more than 10% of my body-weight (from my starting point) and the dietician assures me that losing this amount correlates with significant long-term health benefits. Still fighting the leftovers from a chest infection and, sadly, a resurgence of my asthma, this is very welcome news indeed.

But the better news to my mind is that when we calculated my body mass index figure I'm now out of the 'obese' category! Only just, as I now have a BMI of 30 so I'm right on the borderline, but I'm no longer obese - that sounds soooo good. Yes, I'm still a fatty - officially 'overweight', that is - but I'm so pleased I could belly-dance for joy!

I'm really, really delighted with the progress I've made - it's hard to express how happy it makes me. In less than a year, I've gone from a BMI of over 36 down to 30. This makes up for all my recent black dog days and the struggles to keep my motivation intact.

The evening got even better. The new term started tonight for my Chi Kung class and it was great! The 'old hands' amongst us have really missed the classes and everyone said how good it was to be back. There were a few new faces tonight too, and we all really enjoyed tonight's session... even if the calf muscles were trembling by the end of it.

Could the evening get better still? Yes, it certainly could!

Hubby came to meet me from class and took me for a picnic by the river. Crisp, crunchy chilli chicken salad with lots of shredded carrot and sweet red pepper, birds to watch and to listen to, some beautiful shaggy brown sheep grazing on the opposite bank and then the best bit of all. Once we'd finished our salads we walked along the river - heaven! I've only just finished picking the midges out of my teeth.

What a great end to today. Picture me grinning... a lot.

Gym again - good!

Had to take the calf lifts a bit easy this time as they hurt (a lot!) during Chi Kung after our last time, on Sunday. I've switched from Tai Chi to Chi Kung as the class times are earlier but it can be a challenge at times.

So, care of calf muscles, but we still had a good outing and everything else went well. In fact, more than well.

I asked one of the staff about the core exercises as I wasn't at all sure that what I was doing was right. She came to help but asked me why, when my instructions mentioned raising one leg at a time, I was raising both legs together. I couldn't understand this and said, oh no, I couldn't do that and never had been able to as I had no strength at all in my tummy muscles.

How astonished I was when she said that's what I was doing! So, the core must be getting stronger - I could never do that, and have been extremely frustrated all through the yoga classes I've been to. Yippee!