Emotional, worried and some major news

While I haven't disappeared off the face of the planet entirely, I thought it best not to post anything while I'm not at my most coherent, and there have been a variety of reasons why coherence has not been my middle name!

Let's start with the worried part, as the emotional part stems from this as well as from the major news. I'm worried about my oldest, dearest friend. Very worried to be honest, as her recurrent breast cancer has entered the arena with a vengeance this time around. She went into battle for 'round one' of a huge treatment regime last week (sentinel lymph node biopsies) and until early this week all was apparently as well as could be expected - she was just, in her words, 'damn sore and tired'. Sadly, Monday she was re-admitted as she'd developed an infected haematoma and was on intravenous antiobiotics awaiting more surgery. Oh, and all this is just a precursor to the main event - double mastectomy plus all the bells & whistles which hits her in a couple of short weeks time. Can I say the 'F' word please.

And then there's 'our' major news... which is that we are about to move, with a corresponding huge change in lifestyle as my darling lovely hubby is going to retire and I'm going to start a new job hunt in a brand new and unfamiliar area. And all this has happened in a whirlwind - we really did not anticipate things taking place so fast.

Er... exciting? Yep, that it is. Scary? You betcha! Actually, I'd use the word 'terrified' to describe how I feel in the early hours of the morning when I contemplate just how much there is to do in such a small amount of time - we move on 29th May! Suffice it to say that neither of our bosses are exactly over the moon.

As to us, we are currently packing, packing, packing and downsizing massively to attempt to fit into a one bedroomed retirement flat (which we go to measure precisely tomorrow - wish us luck). The local charity shops think that Christmas has come early! Whilst that's a positive, the sad part is that Connie, the super duper rower, has had to go as no way would she fit into the new flat. Boo hoo indeed, but she's gone to a local school to be used by the kids at their fitness centre, so some good has come from this (even if it doesn't feel exactly great just at the moment).

Oh, and our tattoo bookings were cancelled on us at short notice (very valid reasons though) so I've somehow got to reschedule that for before we leave the area.

So you'll understand that any semblance of coherence kind of went to the wall for a while. Amazingly, sensible eating hasn't! All I can say is that life throws curve balls at you just when you don't expect it and all you can do to retain your sanity is to roll with it.

Onwards, ever... from the bubble wrap queen!

More heavenly stuff...

Slow cooker dry 'roasting' madness has ensued chez nous - I think we're pretty much convinced now... or is that, perhaps, addicted?

We've now tried our hand with a gammon ham (soaked first to tone down the saltiness), a whole free range chicken (no added water but I stuffed a bunch of fresh sage leaves in the cavity), and a lamb shoulder joint (OK, we did slather this with yoghurt, mint and chilli).

All I can do is groan quietly with repletion and say 'yummy'. I think this technique is definitely a winner!

On a slightly tangential but food related note, I've been reading something written by Olga Tikhonova Irez over at Delicious Istanbul about her new kitchen. Now I'm a bit of a fan at the best of times, but she's excelled herself this time. Two phrases she's used in her most recent post are so beautifully poetic.

When she describes her kitchen (not the largest nor most high-tech in the world), she anthropomorphises and says of the kitchen:

She gracefully lets me use her modest premises in exchange for respect.

This touched me, that she feels her kitchen has a personality of its own. Mine does too... er, and not always a benevolent one mind you. Mine definitely informs me if I'm unwelcome!

The other phrase she used described the view from her window at the end of a day and she wrote:

When you would think the light is gone for the day, it flashes a Cheshire cat smile through the thickets of the trees in the neighbors garden...

Ooh, what a lovely image that brought to mind.

Other matters - weight is still more or less where I want it to be, although getting a pound or two off is still the game plan. Connie, the rower, is still going well. Lovely hubby and I are both healthy* and spring is surely not too far around the corner now we've hit February. All in all, life is good and I'm counting blessings whenever possible.

*I got a letter from my GP regarding the results of that mid-life health check. Apparently, the aim of this was to 'detect potential problems before they do real damage' and with my results I'm 'low risk' so they don't want to see me for five years. When I looked up exactly what these 'risks' they were interested in assessing were, the NHS listed "heart disease, stroke, diabetes, kidney disease and some forms of dementia". So, low risk eh? Sounds good enough to me!

Be careful what you say, fat lass!

 Oh heck, no sooner do I mention that "I now suffer far fewer and less severe infections of all sorts" than I get bitten by a stomach bug. Grrr, typical or what! Hmmm, 'bottoms' seems an appropriate comment.

It kicked off Friday night and I thought it must have been something I ate to start with, but no. I can only say that an 'interesting' weekend ensued... more detail than that you do not need. Indeed it's only just getting back to normal(ish) today. Food of any sort has been way, way down my priority list, but I've drunk for England.

One of the few nourishing things I've been able to handle is good old beefy Bovril.

 

Childhood goodness reincarnated.

I've ached and felt like a wet dish rag, and although I have been at work (er, several people have probably wish I'd stayed away, since I've been pretty cranky) it's knocked me off the morning's rowing - damn it. I hate it when I get derailed, especially just as I'd started stepping up the times. Still, can't be helped and I'm hoping I'll be back at it before the weekend.

Maybe a gentle row tomorrow?

Oh pooh!

It has been one of life's 'interesting' weeks....

No sooner had I got back in the groove with my rowing, abs work and some more intense walking, I 'did something' to my right calf muscle on my way to work Monday morning. Not cramp - whatever this was sudden onset and felt like someone had driven a spike deep into the back of my calf. It hurt like a bitch and left me hobbling like a ninety year old for three days.

However, whilst it certainly slowed me down (a lot), I didn't let it defeat me completely. Hey, I live in a dead flat county so I can still manage a hobble, can't I. So, I still walked (OK, limped) every day, and I rowed... gently... every day except Tuesday. Even now downhill slopes are a bit of a challenge, and it 'pulls' to remind me, although stairs are a lot easier.

There's a 'but'. And the 'but' is that somehow my weight has gone up. Er, let's make that 'shot up'! Now I'm a bit baffled as I have been 'reasonably' sensible with food choices and portions. Maybe not perfect, but not off the rails either. And I've kept active, even if not as much or as fast as I'd like.

One thing which is different is my HRT medication. A couple of weeks ago my prescription changed, and I started taking Tibolone (Livial). Hmmm, the jury is out here. I am seeing a variety of differences - some manageable, some not so.

OK, OK, I know it's early days and I have to give it time, but... My mood hasn't been as 'serene' as lovely hubby or I (or my work colleagues, bless 'em!) would really like. I'm getting some major night sweats again (hello sleepless nights), some odd skin break-outs and I 'think' it may be having a detrimental effect on my weight. I'm prepared to hang in there, but have a review next week so we'll see what my nice GP has to say.

Stress (mainly at work) has been a bit of a problem this week too, but it really hit me last night, in the form of problems for my poor Mum. Thankfully, she seems OK once again and I 'may' settle down a bit weight-wise before I weigh 'officially' on Saturday.

Whatever happens will happen. I can look forward to a lovely day out in London on Saturday. We'll keep to low carb and will probably walk miles so a healed (or healing) calf is a bonus.

Oh well. Onwards ever...

It starts with a single step...

Reminder to self. Apart from the obvious - food, that is - one of the ways I help to maintain my weight loss, and not allow the dreaded fat to plop straight back onto me when my back is turned, is to keep active. Well, pretty active anyhow. And it is worth maintaining because losing around seven and a half stone in weight was a fairly long-term project (after all, you didn't gain it all in a day, did you!) and it took a lot of commitment and hard work.

That said, you've been slacking a bit over recent months (er no, let's tell it like it is, eh, fat lass? You've been a seriously lazy mare!) and that less than 'tight' body tone tells the tale clearly enough. That 'might' be just about OK/acceptable/able to be hidden whilst we are all still bundled up in our multiple layers of winter woollies (and we STILL are here in the UK, dammit) but it just won't do for when you can finally get the summer attire out of mothballs. Go out and about in a closely-fitting, short-sleeved tee-shirt? Aaaaaargh!

Time to get on with it, and put your money where your mouth is, if you want a better body shape for summer.

So, just like I've been promising myself... or perhaps that was 'threatening' myself...  Easter saw the return of my rowing (with the help of my old friend Connie the Concept rower) and the abs work first thing each morning. Oh dear. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I'd forgotten that you KNOW that you've done something when various parts of the anatomy start to complain in tandem! Still, no pain...

What I haven't slacked upon, throughout my lazy patch, though, is the walking. In fact, to encourage myself (a.k.a. to plant a foot firmly in my own backside!) to do this, if nothing else, I've been wearing my step counter and aiming for about 12,000 steps a day. Most days I've hit my target, or very nearly so. Hey, that's not too shabby, even if it hasn't really been enough, or the quite right thing for all-over tone. Still, the rowing and abs should help address that.

Yesterday was a particularly good day and I blew my target away. It was a busy one, and I thought I'd done a bit more than usual. Even so, I was pretty surprised when I checked the final figure on the step counter as I undressed for bed. I'd walked 17,253 steps in total yesterday! That comes out to about eight and a half miles. Wow!

So, the moral of this ramble, my dear fat lass, is to remember that every step counts and every step is worth taking. Just because the rowing and abs stuff seems tough at the moment, keep on at it. It will help you, and it WILL get easier as those poor old ignored muscles get a wee bit stronger once again, and more accustomed to being given a job to do. Give it a week or two... or maybe three or four... and you will begin to see results.

And it starts with that single step... or stroke... or sit-up... Onwards ever.

Connie, lovely hubby and me

It's turned to autumn with a vengeance and been raining and windy here in the UK, so let's ditch the blues and think about some positives.

Well, I can honestly say that whatever else life is chucking my way at the moment, and there's some fretful stuff going on that's giving me a lot of sleepless nights, there are a few nice constants.

The foremost of these is, of course, my darling lovely hubby who is such a support in the worries going on in life at the moment (hmmm, maybe I'll write more of these in a later post... if I feel brave). He is such a love and takes care of me and protects me much more than I ever expect, or deserve. I won't go into detail, but he is quite prepared to change his life completely to help me and I can't thank him enough for 'being there' for me. He's a very, very special man.

The next though, surprisingly enough, is Connie. Even though I was pretty happy with our old Horizon rowing machine, I always hankered after a Concept of our very own and I'm so glad we bought her. She wasn't cheap, but she's worth every penny. In fact, I'd say, if she's good enough for this man, she's good enough for the fat lass!

Now, I can put my hand on my heart and say that I just can't believe how much difference she's made to my mornings. Hopping on and rowing (albeit for way too brief a time, dammit!) is sheer pleasure now she's set up in the office and some days I feel like could cheerfully carry on for hours if time permitted. It's like the difference between wearing a silk shirt and a haircloth one. It's funny, but it's really motivating - the knock-on feel-good effect continues right through the abs work too, which I'm also now enjoying much more than previously.

Another 'plus' is that my body finally seems to be catching up and getting the low carb message. Yes, I know, I know... I'm just too impatient!  But, I tested with Ketostix at the weekend and there was a bit of a colour difference so I guess I'm entering 'ketosis' and beginning to use up some fats as a fuel, not just glucose/glycogen. So, let's keep going this way and see what happens next.

One tiny worry though (and it's one I never thought I'd find myself putting into words) - the scales have also shifted downwards by just over a kilo in a week (aaaargh!) so I'll need to keep an eye on that as I really don't want to lose much, if anything at all. For one thing, we can't afford yet another new set of clothes... and, perhaps rather vainly, I like the clothes I have now! Hmmm, that said, if it reduces the 'orrid flap of belly fat a bit more I won't complain. Watch this space, I guess.

Onwards ever...

Meet Connie

Thought I'd just introduce our new house-mate. Say hello to Constanza Beata del Magnifico, a.k.a. Connie.

She may have only just started to live with us, but has already secured a place in our hearts.

She's a lovely neat and quiet lady. Slightly used she may be (er, she certainly shows one or two of her previous life's stresses) but she's one smooth lady, and informative too (her PM3 gives us a LOT of information - and I will investigate the 'fish game' option!) and she's an absolute joy to use.

We've already had a lot of fun with her and will continue to do so.

Otherwise, things are still ticking along nicely so nothing major to report. I'm still trying to get my head around metabolic pathways and different food groups so will probably blither on about that in another post.

Onwards ever...

More victories...

Wheeeeeee! Guess whose lovely hubby has been back to his GP and has now been taken off blood pressure medication too! That's pill number 2 off his prescription, and I'm so happy I want to put banners up at the window and shout through a megaphone from the tallest building around.

He's hitting these health targets out into the stratosphere at the moment. And his daily control of blood glucose levels, with sensible foods and careful thought given to what and how much to eat, is going pretty darned well too. What a star!

OK, we still get the odd surprise, but they are not really horrendous surprises (more of a little 'huh?' moment) and we are definitely learning more about the foods we eat... a whole lot more! If we average his readings for the period he's been testing, they fall merrily into the 'strict control' range. More power to him - so I'm officially awarding him the 'fat lass' gold medal for significant health improvement.

Now, if you'd like to step up to the podium, sir...

And me?

Well, the cunning plan that the dodgy knee would respond politely to exercise has paid off. After a weekend of some serious furniture shifting, and moving the associated mountain of books (my passion), and a good thorough cleaning, I did ache and realise I'm not twenty-something any longer (as every bit of me felt it), but my knee ached no more than any of the other bits. It had swelled a bit again by Saturday evening, but had settled by Sunday morning and seems back to normal... apart from my customary random welter of odd bruises, which I pick up all the time without having a clue what I did. Phew!

My eating is also going well and I'm sitting at my 'happy' weight and not really missing any of the sources of carbohydrates we used to eat more of. For me, this low-carb business is a great excuse to add some extra delights to my favoured veggies, and I'm getting a real taste for the proteins... To be honest, it suits me just fine :-)

We've even added peanut butter back into our lives. Those of you who have known me for a while will be aware that this is a very big step for me. Why? Because peanut butter is a firm childhood favourite and something I have never been able to be moderate around. For the course of my journey to weight loss  I haven't even been able to keep it in the house.

However, what we are doing now is mixing a teaspoon of gorgeous, crunchy, no added sugar PB from the wholefoods shop (sorry, Sun-Pat, but I just don't love you any more 'cos you're too sweet for me) with two or three teaspoons of Greek yoghurt and that's enough to give me the taste and the pleasure of eating it, and provide my darling with the necessary fats and proteins, without loading up on the calories. I'm happy to have this occasionally on a thin slice of seedy toast and, so far, this seems to work well. Victory indeed.

Some exciting (certainly to me) news too. We've bitten the bullet and ordered a lovely new (well, a second hand, but professionally refurbished) rower!

We are upgrading from my beloved old Horizon Oxford II (which has been a great workhorse and helped me a lot) to a sleek and athletic-looking Concept 2 Model D which is very like the ones they have at the gym. I've always got on well with these and the Concepts are the rowers I've always secretly coveted. We feel that now the extra cost (er, £££ ouch) is justified as we KNOW we'll both be using this Rolls Royce of rowers for a long time to come.

It should arrive in about ten days time, and we felt it deserved a rather more suitable home than our current beast, so this is why we spent the hottest weekend of the British summer totally reorganising our home office, replacing the mega-huge desk with a smaller version, to convert it into a home office/gym (and freeing up much needed space in our bedroom in the process).

Onwards ever...

Victories!

I think it's time we started looking at a few the positives, and stopped (well, me anyway) dwelling on the problems, puzzles and the times things don't quite go to plan.

The sun is shining, those nasty blue meanies are on the run once again and I feel that, overall, life is good. Nope, I'll go further than that. Life is pretty darned good!

Between us, lovely hubby and I are gradually building a fairly good feel for what is worth a try, foodwise, and what is likely to be off the menu chez fatlass & co.

We've also found a few places we can look up nutritional values for 'unknown' foods (like here) so we don't have to make a complete guess.

And my knee is improving. As well as the walking (and it isn't a half-hearted walk/limp now), I'm actually back on the rower. Started off very gently a couple of days ago and, whilst the knee grumbled a bit (and the swelling hasn't subsided completely), it went OK.

So much so that I managed to do my full session this morning. Alright, so the time was s-l-o-w as heck, but I did it!

Phew! Onwards ever...

Whyever did I delay?

Lordy, but the fat lass can be really stooopid sometimes!

I've been a real old moaning Minnie recently, mithering on for ages about not having been exercising properly and not feeling enthused to start again, and still doing nothing much concrete to change things... until this weekend.

This weekend I bit the bullet, and it saw me back on the rower in the mornings. Hey, do you know what? It's great! OK, it isn't easy - in fact I puffed and blew like a grampus after my first stint, but the good news is that I'm back in the saddle (or on the rowing seat, anyhow).

My shoulders surely do know I'm doing it (ouch!), but my legs have been managing without a problem, and I've already upped my number of strokes after just a few short days. I'll be back up a respectable level before you know it... and that's a promise to myself!

I've also hauled the abs torture instrument out of mothballs and am back to that too. Er, my poor old belly muscles are noticing that I'm insisting on them doing some work... my belly's telling me loud and clear this morning that it isn't used to the trauma. But, it'll shut up soon enough if I keep at it... and I intend doing just that.

And the benefits of the increased exercise will be? A bit more tone back in the old bod (especially around the mid-section) and a whole lot more energy! My poor achy knees are already feeling easier.

Onwards ever...

Keep on keeping on

Remember that 'positive' button from a few posts ago? Hmmm, I just need to keep my head above water and try not to let myself get disheartened. If I don't make active progress so be it, but what I DO NOT want to do is go backwards.

So, I've decided to cut myself a little slack until I feel properly well again and then I'll get back on the rower. In the meantime I'll remember to keep drinking my water, eat healthily (lots of vitamin rich fresh fruit and veggies) wherever possible, walk at lunchtimes, even if I don't stride out in my usual fashion, and I'll try to keep reminding myself to stay away from those naughtier tempting nibbles.

Speaking of which, I managed to pull off a major coup (for me) yesterday when I said a firm (if a little regretful) NO to a gorgeous looking piece of Key Lime pie. It was definitely calling my name (OK, it was bellowing 'eat me'!) but I turned and walked away. Even when a colleague offered to share the slice he'd just bought, I still (just about) managed to restrain myself.

Rush off to buff up that halo now, fat lass - NSVs = good!

Get it on!

No, I'm not banging gongs and turning into a female Marc Bolan, that's just my little reminder message to me.

But it seems like a great time to set myself a new goal. Not a New Year's resolution, but a nice target to aspire to. I'm talking about a certain pair of pale blue, stonewashed jeans which I bought a looooong time ago as a 'target' garment. These are jeans that are almost... but still not quite... wearable in public. It's these I'd really rather like to 'get on'.

They are a pair of Levi 529 Women's Curvy Boot Cut Jeans which, supposedly, were designed to fit 'curvier' ladies, i.e. those without that boyish look, but with larger hips than waist. They are a size 27" waist which, in theory,should now be too big for me (as my 'waist' is smaller than that), but... er, aren't!

Too big for me, huh? These teensy, tiny things? C'mon, I'm nearly laughing my socks off here. Hmmm, you see, that 'waistband' doesn't actually sit anywhere near 'my' waist but a fair way further south. Sort of neatly over the podgy bits, hence the reason I haven't been able to wear them... yet.

Sure, I can get them around the old carcase relatively easily (e.g. with little to no swearing, and without laying back on the bed and tugging madly). The zip does up, all the way, without too much effort. But... and this is a pretty significant 'but', I'm going to need to reduce the general flubberiness (is that a real word?) around belly rather more before I'll venture out of the privacy of my boudoir with them on.

Better tone is definitely needed as, right now, my carefully cultivated collection of loose skin and remaining fat sort of bunches up above the waistband in a none too attractive fashion. Under a loose sweatshirt or heavy-weight top the jeans'd be just about acceptable, but with a tee-shirt? Er, nope! I'm really not a fan of the distinct (if somewhat poorly-baked) muffin top!

My plan though, as they are quite a thinnish denim, is to wear them in the late spring/early summer. This means shedding a bit more of the fat lass stuffing, and toning up the muscles which are there (truly!) underneath. So, how is this going to happen?

I've already mentioned weight targets (and heading in the right direction) and the rowing this year, and that's building up nicely. I also flagged up an intent to 'do something' about those abs and I'm pleased to report that work started on that yesterday morning. An easy 'in' so far, but with a plan to build up to bigger and better as soon as I can.

Yesterday, when I intended to post this, I was going to say "I feel OK at the moment, but have a sneaky feeling that I may be a tad sore later". I can happily report this morning that I was right. I am a wee bit sore. Must be doing something right then!

I've made a start and am happy to say it wasn't too much of a shock to the system. Onwards ever.

Weight Gain Nil? Er, not quite.

Oooh, wouldn't it be lovely to report that no weight was gained at all over the Christmas period? Unfortunately, that hasn't quite happened over this year's festive season although we've been 'fairly' sensible so the damage isn't too excessive.

We spent Christmas with my darling Mum, who is in her nineties, and had a wonderful time together. I do wish we lived closer to her as we both love spending time with her, taking care of her and doing what we can to make her comfortable and happy. Ah well, I guess it could be worse - at least we're only a few hours drive away (unless you count the time spent in that 'car park' which is the M25 London Orbital!).

As ever, whilst we were with her, part of our strategy was to find a variety of appealing and high-calorie foods to tempt her. Keeping sufficient weight ON her tiny frame is a major headache! That meant our meals too were not exactly a picture of weight-loss ideals. And, aside from running up and down stairs and generally looking after her and her surroundings, we didn't get a great deal of exercise either.

Still, we both made the best choices we could (most of the time) and watched our portion sizes. That's not to say we didn't nibble the odd treat, especially if it meant we could get Mum to eat a little more too, but we did keep it to a minimum. This means the good news is that both lovely hubby and I came home carrying only a pound or two more flubber (between us) than we set off with. All in all, not a bad way to approach the New Year, methinks.

Speaking of the New Year and resolutions and so forth... we have both come up with the same plan. This is to get our bottoms moving rather more than we have done of late. To heck with waiting for January 1st 2012 though - we've started already! Both of us have been pretty active today, I'm intending to get out and about in the (mild) winter air tomorrow and on New Year's Eve we plan to go for a good long walk together.

Next comes the rower! Now that the recent health issues seem to be taking a back seat (at long last), it's high time we got back to our morning rowing stints. So, we've made each other a firm promise that we'll get back to it. We won't go crazy though, we'll start slowly and gently and work our way back up to our full sparrow-cough a.m. sessions again. We've missed it. Given our history of obesity and slothfulness, how lovely it is the to be able to start a brand new year saying that !

Out of breath

Hmmm, Friday was a day to remember in a lot of ways.  Celebrations, appointments, oh... and getting stopped by the police.

Er, no, it wasn't because I'd done anything bad... but because the driver of the taxi I was in was a bit naughty and didn't get away with it. He also left the meter running while he was being booked and I had no time to complain as, by then, I was running mega-late for a hospital appointment - dammit!

The weekend was good - dragged ourselves out of bed on Saturday for a frosty walk in the park while it was still dark, and decided against a greasy spoon bacon sarnie to celebrate!

I also got myself out of breath because I decided to see how far I could push things on the rower. The answer was, quite a way, although maybe not quite as far as I'd hoped. I more than doubled my usual time and pushed it as hard and fast as I could (oooh, I felt that later), just to see what I could do. Unfortunately, after about fifteen minutes of hell for leather rowing, I found my breathing just couldn't keep up. I almost fell off the thing when I finally decided enough was enough.

Time to test my peak flow again (after I'd recovered) and, guess what? It has indeed dropped down towards crappy levels again. OK, one step forwards, one backwards. Keep at the inhaler and see how things go.

No further weight loss to report but I'm OK about that.

Stalled...

...and before I've even really got started too. Ho hum, I guess that's the way it goes sometimes. But, let's be philosophical about it, eh. Don't get mad, fat lass, and don't fall off that wagon!

I'll admit that I am finding it a bit of a challenge to stay positive, when I'm exercising daily, eating moderately, drinking my water and being generally 'good', yet still not really seeing much more than a marginal result on the scales, nor for that matter from the marks on the tape measure.

But, I do know that the hard work will pay off in time - I just need a little patience and perserverance. I should remember that I've been in this position before, and it didn't last forever.

So, to pick out the positives...

At least I'm feeling a fair bit fitter than I was a few weeks ago. The good old H2O and regular stints on the rower are doing that for me even if nowt else. Even better, with a summer of the worst hayfever I've known for years, the asthma hasn't been a problem at all. Certainly something to celebrate. And, smile please, 'cos I've increased my time as planned this week - so far, so good.

The abs work is having an effect on my torso. It's sort of a shame only I really know about it getting stronger, but there you go. The problem is that, having been so obese for so many years, whatever muscle/tone I do posess is still pretty effectively covered up by the remains of the fat in my 'oh, so attractive' apron of loose belly skin.

Hmmm, I don't suppose that this is a bit of me that'll ever go away, unless I resort to full-scale surgery. That's OK though - I just need to shed a few more pounds and minimise it a bit more. It isn't a major problem when I'm dressed and, as I don't intend to start a nude modelling career in the near future [wink], the surgeons can put their scalpels away. Hey, just think, if I did become the next centrefold pin-up, the Shar Pei belly could become the new look for 2011.

Enough of this hilarity! Let's just get on with what I'm already doing and see what happens in the next week. Yes, a noticeable loss'd be nice, but I won't give up even if it doesn't happen.

Three strikes and...

We are not very far through the week at all, it's only got as far as Tuesday and already it seems that it was going to turn into one of 'those' weeks. Why?

Well, I've been fairly unmotivated of late and that sleepy old fat lass inside me has been biding her time... but this week she decided to try a take-over bid, making really pathetically lame excuses about eating and exercise, to which 'me' has been paying attention!

Yesterday morning I was 'too tired' after a hectic weekend so didn't get on the rower. Then it poured with rain at lunchtime so I didn't go walkies. In fact I sat on my tush at my desk all day and worked right through lunch and breaks too (stoopid woman!). Things had happened (not a great day with loads of problems) so I worked pretty late, to the point that lovely hubby came to collect me... so no walking again! Then, as it was so late and would be later still by the time we'd got home and cooked, we stopped off for a takeaway. Avert eyes now - I ate a whole portion of special fried rice and a pot of curried sauce even though I didn't really enjoy it. Why, for Pete's sake!

Then this morning we overslept, totally missing the alarm, so no rower once again. Breakfast was extremely rushed so I just spread some 'convenient' peanut butter on a small slice of bread... but thickly. When will I learn? I really should not ever have this deliciously evil stuff in my cupboards - I know I just cannot resist it! There was yoghurt in the fridge, an apple in the fruit bowl - both 'convenient' so why not choose those?

Another problematic morning at work, and then some sad news, saw me wolfing my lovely healthy lunch (blueberries, raspberries and Greek yoghurt) early, but then had me looking around for something to munch. The vending machine isn't all that far away and it contains delicious chocolate and crisps... It's another 'bad' day, so I was giving it some thought. It was showery outside so I decided to stay indoors too. What rubbish excuses, eh?

Then. thankfully, the penny then dropped.

OMG, what was I doing? This could be the start of the slippery slope back to the lazy and fat days. Stop looking for nibbles girl, get that bottom off the chair right now and W-A-L-K. If it rains, get wet. It won't kill you.

So I did, and got wet. It hasn't killed me. In fact I'm really pleased to have seen what I was doing and taken action straight away. It might only be a skirmish, and I may yet to win the war, but one battle down and,for today, the fat lass has lost.

A working week's walking

Well, it has been a pretty hectic week but I didn't realise what the benefits of this were until I sat down with a calculator.

I've tried each day to do a longer walk to work by getting off my bus a few stops early. This is partly for the exercise and partly to clear my head before another busy, problem-filled day. It works out to be about half as long again as my usual walk but, unfortunately, it can't be a permanent arrangement as I can only do it when traffic is light and we get here reasonably early. It's also been a very active week at work. Much more so that is the norm and I haven't been near my desk much at all.

The results of this are:
Monday - 11,056 steps (5.5 miles)
Tuesday - 15,218 steps (7.6 miles)
Wednesday - 16,603 steps (8.3 miles)
Thursday - 18,297 steps (9.1 miles)
Friday - so far, 5795 steps (2.9 miles) and it's not yet 10 o'clock

So, over thirty miles since the week began and it ain't over yet. This is in addition to salsacise and the rowing in the mornings and I must admit I'm delighted with this as it can't help but assist in counteracting any mince pies etc. I happen encounter (although this hasn't happened yet), and may even help me lose a pound or so.

2009 may have had it's difficulties (and quite a few of them) but it is shaping up to end on a good note. Here's to a fabulous 2010!

Phew!

Yep, we sweated like hogs at the gym.

It was absolutely great though - we both really enjoyed it. I'm very pleased that I managed to do all my old weights stuff (and a tiny bit of extra), a little core work and the stretches in around 40 minutes and it wasn't the slightest struggle (she lies a bit, but it wasn't too hard). I had a cunning plan though. I've gone back to my 'absolute beginner' weights and I'll work up slowly to do more reps before I even think about increasing them.

The cardio was another story. That was a bit mixed to be honest. Rowing was fine (well, it should be really), the stepper was fine too and I soon got back into the swing of it... but that blasted cross-trainer reminded me of why it and I used to have a love/hate relationship. Lord, that is one tough cookie! Can hardly believe I used to do 20 mins at a higher resistance AND using the incline - last night, all I managed was 7 minutes on the flat and that was sheer hell! Oh well, it'll improve.

I'm not too stiff... yet. My thighs know I've worked, but it isn't an unpleasant ache. More a reminder that I'm actually doing something to shift the rest of this stubborn flubber. The excess flab really ought to start to diminish soon, with luck. In addition to the gym last night, I did my usual morning rowing (plus the pelvic floor exercises I'm going to have to do for the rest of my life) and clocked up around 13,000 steps through the day.

Come on you 'orrible fat cells, start waving those little white flags!

Happy, happy, happy!

The fat lass has made it to 400 strokes a day on the rower!

Not that I'm happy, or anything. But I did it this morning and it felt fine... well, sort of hot, sweaty and not exactly easy, but OK. Alright, this may not be a huge deal for those fitness freaks out there, but for me - it's progress and I'm delighted.

Now, let me get the eating side of things back under tight control again and the lbs should (please?) start to move again.

Row, row, row...

A strange thing happened today. I don't know if it because I've had quite a break from the rower, but when I was on it this morning I happened to glance down and realised, with amazement, that my knees now come a lot closer to my chin than I remembered. That balloon of flab, the bulging belly, which used to prevent this is nowhere near as big. OK, it hasn't disappeared but...

I suppose that, as I've said before, quite a lot of the time I still see myself as the fattie I was when I started. Logic tells me otherwise but my head hasn't quite managed that fundamental change in attitude. It came as a real surprise to me to 'notice' my smaller belly, and it got me thinking. I've also managed to slide back into the rowing, and built up my number of strokes, rather faster than I'd anticipated. Hence, the thought came to me that I must really 'be' fitter than I was before, even though I've been feeling like a slob again.

Although I'm not finding my morning stints on the rower particularly easy, as I get rather warm, (well to be honest, sweaty) somewhat out of breath and knackered, I am enjoying it again. I get onto the thing, sometimes rather grudgingly it has to be said, at 5.15 a.m. with half-closed sleepy eyelids, But then, 300 strokes later, I hop off again feeling wide awake and quite happy to carry on and do the physio stuff. I'm even considering dragging the abs cruncher out of hibernation in it's unremembered corner.

I'd completely forgotten that good feeling which comes from doing something to get the blood circulating. It's a really positive way to start the day. The walk into work is more fun somehow as well. I hope some of that positive feeling feeds into how I handle my job. You never know, maybe it does.

Yes, I still get stressed and I probably always will. And yes, I still sometimes turn to food as a sop to that. These days though it's not so likely to be the really bad stuff (crisps and chocolate... in quantity) but more likely the 'healthier' snacks I have to hand. That in itself is real progress.

I've been kicking myself and moaning about my prolonged stay at around the 70kg mark. Maybe I ought to give a little more credit to the good I have achieved and, who knows, perhaps that will spur me on to getting more love per square inch!