19 August 2009

Battling 'down day' head games

Ooh, poor fat lass. It's only early and already it isn't shaping up to be a great day. Whatever the cause, I'm feeling tired, fat and old.

There's no real reason why this should be the case. After all, it's a beautiful summer's morning and several people have mentioned that I look nice today - I put on a girly dress for once as it's predicted to be a very, very hot day. It certainly seems like it will be one!

But somehow 'nice' isn't what I am seeing or feeling. I'm a wee bit bloated and uncomfortable (despite hitting the peppermint tea and then resorting to Rennies) and my head says I closely resemble a beached whale. I'm embarassed by myself today. Hmmm, not good - a 'black dog' attack is not what I need right now.

Right, time for a spot of analysis and self-criticism. Let's see if we can head this one off at the pass! I may be being a bit silly but it feels as though there is a direct link to what I ate yesterday in this. I think I probably ate too much in total and, all in all, yesterday's eating didn't measure up wonderfully well against the 'healthy plate' shown here.

Breakfast was fine. Natural yoghurt and a slice of bread, with a good old Yorkshire cuppa. A nectarine at break was fine too. So far so good.

But, instead of my lovely veggie bits and fruit for lunch (which I stupidly forgot and which languished in the fridge until this morning) I bought a wedge of salmon(ish) and spinach(ish) pie for lunch while I was out walking. At least, I think that's what it was supposed to be. It tasted OK (it had some dill in it) but a) I couldn't be certain what was actually in it and b) the carbohydrate-rich pastry wasn't the best idea I've ever had. It didn't really satisfy me like my veggies do, so I ate a bit of fruit from my work 'snack attack' bowl too. Probably not an altogether unhealthy choice, but it didn't hit the spot.

Then our evening meal, after a looong and lovely walk, was several glasses of Turkish tea and a mixed Turkish kebab of chicken shish and lamb doner. This came with rice, some lovely salad and pitta bread. A delicious treat, but a huge plateful.

Way, way too much in fact, so a doggy bag was needed for the excess meat and rice (managed all the salad though). The remainder now resides in the fridge awaiting a salad on the side... or possibly throwing out. Again, it was probably not desperately unhealthy as take-out food goes, and having it at all is a fairly rare event. The meat was grilled, although there's more fat in doner meat than I'd usually go for. It was quite heavy on the carbs. As to the salt content? Ah, probably best not to enquire - it definitely made both me and lovely hubby hunt for a glass of water.

It ended up being a hectic day, all told, and quite a stressful one as yesterday's post flags up. However, what I didn't do yesterday was eat chocolate, crisps, chips, biscuits or any of the things I would have considered in the past.

I drank a lot of water - it was a rather warm August day. I walked a lot yesterday, both at work and for pleasure. My pedometer reported almost 15,000 steps by the time I took it off at bedtime. Could be why I feel a bit tired (that and not sleeping too well again), but that's all well and good - any exercise is a positive, n'est pas?

OK, being objective, that last paragraph covers the feeling 'tired and old' part, but what about 'fat'? Well, I still am a chunky lass, albeit not as chunky as I was. I've no supermodel body and heartily doubt I could ever have one. My belly does indeed stick out and my BMI is not yet down below 25 - yes, I guess that's a reasonable definition of 'fat'. However, I am still on my (epic!) journey to the new streamlined me. I'm doing something about it and it ain't over yet. It isn't reasonable to beat myself to death over one less than sensible day.

There is a need to learn some lessons from yesterday's choices... like be a bit less forgetful of a morning as lunch in my fridge at home is not a good plan! Choosing more wisely if and when I do forget would be useful too.

I also need to stop with the paranoia - if someone looks at me I shouldn't immediately assume it's a critical look, like they can't believe I have the gall to walk around looking the way I do. My first reaction is still to do the 'fat lass' slide... out of sight, out of mind and right into invisibility as soon as I can manage it. C'mon fat lass, they could just be looking because they like the pretty blue dress.

So do I feel better for thinking things through? Yes, I guess so. Even though there were some things about the day I'd change, there were good things too. It wasn't a total disaster.

Today is going a lot better on the food front. Less (and healthier) is the name of the game. I am still being active and hopped onto the rower like a good girl. I'm pushing life's stresses into a corner - into a box labelled 'not to be worried over'. Hold onto that motivation and keep at it. I still intend to have 'more love per square inch'!


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