23 March 2009

Spring flowers and struggles

Oh no, the lovely white snowdrops are just about at an end, but the primroses, daffodils and violets are out and they are wonderful. I really love the flowers in springtime. Their light perfume, lovely delicate petals and beautiful colours against the fresh new greens make my heart feel glad. If only that sense of joy and enthusiasm could spill over into this weight loss business...

Even with a recent batch of good news (like a good outcome to my lovely hubby's operation), I'm struggling to stay focused and be positive at the moment. I'm dog-tired (but not sleeping properly again!), achy, have a face covered in cold sores (grrr!) and am obviously a bit run down. I'm also finding it really hard to concentrate. The road ahead looks bumpy from here and it would be sooooo easy to take a rest, not least from thinking about exercising and what I eat. Easy, but a seriously bad move!

The bad news? The scales now reflect a week or two of minimal exercise and buying assorted 'treats' to try to help my recuperating hubby feel better. Treats like biscuits, Welsh cakes and ice cream... which I, of course, shared without even a minor qualm. Bad fat lass.

The scales did hit 72kg (oh my God!), briefly, but have settled back down to 70.5kg this morning. That's better, but it still tips me over the 11 stone barrier and I'm really not happy about that, having worked so hard to reach my latest milestone.

Yeah, I know. Sometimes we all hit a hurdle (or a succession of them). We may find ourselves settled into the doldrums feeling that however hard we try we are stuck. At times it feels like you 'can't' move on and achieve success. But, allow yourself think that way for too long and, bit by bit, you find that you've quit the battle of the bulge and the pounds can (and will) creep back on. Remember, oh podgy one, you have the tee-shirts!

So, don't go there - get a grip fat lass! Even if you manage just a little bit every day you are still in the fight. OK, things may not be perfect. Progress (if there's any to be seen) may not be all you'd like, but at least you won't have given up. Don't knock the little things you do achieve! It's the journey that's the really important part, not just the destination.

Right now, I feel like I'm fighting just to stay in a holding pattern. Fighting, but not quite winning, I'd say. No progress to measure... er, actually the opposite, but not a complete descent into failure either. I haven't given up and I haven't lost the fight. I may be just a tad battle-scarred and punchy and struggling to keep my footing, but I'm still going to fight on.

I hope that a fairly quiet, reflective weekend will have set me straight and from this week I'll be able to summon the energy to battle hard to achieve more love per square inch.


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