03 March 2009

Munchies and worries

But not necessarily in that order.

It wasn't quite lunchtime and I'd demolished my banana and blueberries. I'd finished off my lunchbox tomatoes, carrot batons, physallis and grapes and was making great inroads into the celery sticks and sugar-snap peas. Healthy as my lunchbox is, it's too darned easy to eat 'on the fly'.

Hmmm, that munching didn't leave me a helluva lot for lunch, except for an orange, as I can't eat my low-fat Philly cheese without something to put it on. Straight out of the tub - I don't think so. Aha, hang on a second, a cunning plan. Scratch the Philly, just eat that chicken breast bought for tomorrow's salad, and worry about tomorrow... er, tomorrow.

In addition to starving of the hunger I've also been thirsty as all hell... all day! So far that's meant three cups of tea and three bottles (500ml) of water. Ooops, too late. Make that four bottles, as just thinking about it made me feel thirsty again. And, a nice cup of ginger and hibiscus herbal tea sounded like a plan for added punch to my (diminishing) lunch. Yep. It was.

Well, I guess it's flushing out my system, although I have no clear idea what's brought this on with such a vengeance. Could it be too much salt yesterday? Well no, I don't really think so.

Low rations? Don't be silly. I had a good sturdy helping of venison and root veg casserole last night, with probably rather more oven chips than was wise. I ate my porridge for breakfast like a good fat lass too.

Really! This is just too much - I should not 'still' feel peckish.

So is this all because I'm worrying? Er, probably. The good news from my sister last night (she had a clear mammogram result, thank heavens) should have offset the worries a bit, but I don't think logic is coming into play here. There's high-octane emotional stuff on the loose.

Still, at least I know exactly 'what's' on my mind for once. These are not the usual, rather nebulous, four-in-the-morning worries, but something much more concrete.

I'm fretting about my Mum and her health problems. That's as in a) what the heck's going on with her blood pressure and seemingly endless weight loss? (she is so tiny now!), b) how can someone built like a baby bird get a pressure sore for Gawd's sake?, c) is this 'lump' the doctor found serious?, d) will she be OK?, and e) does she need more of a care plan than she's got in place? Hopefully there'll be more news on some of those things tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm also doing the daughter-away-from-home bit, feeling hugely guilty that I can't be there to help her more.

And top of the list, of course, I'm in absolute knots and kinks as to whether lovely hubby will go in for his op on Friday as planned, or if it will be cancelled because of this bloody norovirus outbreak. Contrary soul that I am, I can't decide whether an enforced 'stay of execution' is a good idea or whether the change of plan at short notice would just add to the stress!

Add to this the 'not logical, does not compute' type worries about the likelihood of problems on the operating table, hospital acquired infections, what happens if..., what if..., what if..., etc. Looks like I'm not handling things all that well right now.

One saving grace is being able to pour all this 'stuff' out here. I don't give a tinker's damn if no-one ever reads it. It seems to help me. As to the eating. Well, I'll try my best to restrain myself. If that's not practical, I'll limit it to healthy stuff as much as possible, face the dietician with my head held high (on Monday) and deal with any consequences later.


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