08 September 2009

Plodding closer

I should be pretty happy... but I don't feel it today. Instead, I'm a little bit down, a tad achy and rather tired again and I'm praying that I'm not sickening for something. Added to this, I am not having a great day at work and the (non air conditioned) office is like a sauna. This 'grumpy old fat lass' attitude is exacerbated by humid, uncomfortable weather. Like yesterday, it's muggy, grey, overcast and really sticky here. So much so that I'm praying for a jolly good thunderstorm to clear the air. I don't even mind if I get caught out in it... without a coat.

OK, so why should I actually be a bouncy, cheerful, happy fat lass? Well, as of Monday morning's weigh in, I was down to 66.5kg. That's just a single pound of flab away from my 'normal' BMI band target. By this time next week (if I can keep my head and don't let my black dog bite me) I should be there.

From where I first started a couple of years ago, I have come a long way and, not wishing to sound ungrateful, I am very glad to be here. In fact, I've moved past the point I'd hoped for in my 'wildest dreams' fantasy. That was to be able to squeeze myself into a size 14 dress size and wear it in public, feeling OK about myself. Don't laugh, but I even went a bit crazy at the weekend and bought a pair of (I think seriously sexy) black leather trousers from a charity shop. My sister thinks I'm a madwoman!

You know though, it's sort of funny. I thought I'd be truly elated to have got even half this far, shouting from the rooftops, waving bunting and doing the Snoopy happy dance as an absolute minimum. But somehow all that ecstatic joy I thought I'd feel isn't materialising. To me, it simply doesn't feel like I've 'got there' yet. I have to admit that I'm not entirely clear about precisely where 'there' is, but never mind. My head is firmly tuned in to a point past the 'normal' target, and on to visualising my next little goal...

...getting myself firmly into the 'safe zone' in the middle of that BMI band. From where I am right now, another 3kg loss would be nice please... pretty please.

And then the next goal, of course, learning how to stay there. Right, off for a brisk walk now!


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