14 September 2009


In truth, this isn't a minor, accidental derailment. It's been more like a deliberate step off the rails, closely followed by turning around and determinedly marching back along the tracks in the wrong direction. I am, needless to say, disgusted with myself!

For one brief moment, on Friday morning, my weight hovered at 66kg and I had reached a 'normal' BMI. I was so, so pleased and told lovely hubby about it in delight. What happened next is as inexplicable as it is inexcusable. I embarked on a complete indulge-a-thon which lasted until last night!

It wasn't a good day on Friday - can't quite put a finger on exactly why (read 'work stress' here) but I was frustrated, down and miserable by the middle of the day. So what did I do? I hit the carbs - a large bowl of crunchy cereal for lunch (hey! it's only muesli, so it's healthy, right?). In itself, that would probably have been OK. But, I then proceeded to eat a big plate of spaghetti bolognese in the evening. Oh yes, and drank half a bottle of red wine. I slept badly (no surprise there then!), wasn't pleased with myself and vowed to do better on Saturday.

And indeed I did. I went several stages 'better' and not only ate pre-prepared sandwiches (note the plural) for lunch but consumed the whole of a stodgy, oily restaurant portion of truly awful paella in the evening, with a chunk of ciabatta. Followed... wait for it... by cheesecake and half a bag of toffee popcorn whilst watching a film! Oh yes, and that pint of beer too. Once again, I slept badly.

Sunday has to be better, right? Wrong! Breakfast was fine, but we went out and a large fruit scone caught my eye mid-morning. Lunch was a 'healthy' pre-prepared pot of vegetable chilli. Chilli, you say? Then why was it so utterly bland that it needed a whole teaspoon of Louisiana hot sauce to make it taste of anything resembling chilli?

Utterly unsatisfied I succumbed to a glass of sherry and the siren call of the Sunday supplement recipe section. Oh yes, off we trekked to the supermarket to buy the ingredients and made those blasted three-cheese muffins! Thank goodness they turned out so badly that I only ate one of them (the rest are to be fed to the poor old ducks this lunchtime). Well, I say only one, but there was the nibbling (cheese!) during the preparation, and the bowl licking - not good. As if this wasn't enough, we'd put barbecue chicken wings in the oven - enough for dinner last night and lunch today... and scoffed the lot!

Notice a pattern here? No fresh produce at all, but lots of pre-prepared, shop-bought or 'restaurant' rubbish instead. Some of it low on flavour and most not, in any way, actually satisfying. Even the things we did prepare ourselves were high in carbs, fats and salt. Alcohol... every night. Overeating in general. Is it, then, any wonder that my weight has shot up to 67.5kg again and I feel like death warmed over this morning.

What I cannot understand is why. Why did I do this at all and, worse, why when I actually recognised my appallingly poor behaviour did I not stop right there! Oh well, have wasted enough time cursing roundly and resigned myself to that fact that I cannot change the past few days. Time to pick myself up, dust myself down and...


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