29 January 2009


Yesterday was a b*tch of a day and I actually ended up in tears at one point, I was so mad with what was going on at work. I really wanted to find a way to make myself feel better - no, rewind that, what I wanted was to eat comfort food.

Then, of course, I had the same old, well-rehearsed internal conversation I've had so many times before about 'deserving' a treat as things were so bad. This time, though, things were different.

I admit it was a struggle, but I forced myself think hard about achieving my next targets, both short-term (getting to 70kg) and longer-term (the dress) and why I wanted to get there. Then I considered how I'd feel if I made the wrong decisions, ate myself into a stupor, and wasted that opportunity. It would be MY fault. No-one else could make those decisions for me. No-one else was going to force food down my throat, were they!

It felt uncomfortable, but I was none too happy anyway, so what the hell. The day didn't get easier, but I kept nagging away at my 'inner fat lass' and saying a firm 'no'. It wasn't 'need', it was 'want' and I wasn't going to give in to it. Even though the evening brought it's own challenges (just don't mention windscreen wipers!) I kept plugging away and stayed right there in the fight.

Today I'm still busy and pretty stressed out but really happy that I was mentally strong yesterday and that I managed to keep well away from temptation. The best bit? This morning I am not kicking myself for doing any of the bad things I'd usually have done. That's going to make today's fight easier to handle.

My first reward (my 'feel good' if you like) came with a teensy tiny drop in weight visible on the scales when I stepped onto them this morning. No, it ain't much, but I'm still heading in the right direction.

What's more, someone I've always admired for having such a lovely figure - obviously not quite sure how to broach the 'weight loss' topic - complimented me on 'how well' I am looking these days. Wow! I'm going to mark this one up as a BIG success.


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