Starting 2009 on a plus?

Hell, no! Today, dammit, has been a truly dreadful day - as in, not good at all... or has it?

Got on the scales as it was my first morning back at work today, you know, just to check, and the bloody needle swept right past the 73.5kg mark (yes, the very one I was so very proud of on Monday) and landed with an almost audible thump on 75kg! Huh? What the fluff?

I have to say I kept my guilty secret completely schtum and didn't mention it to lovely hubby. To be honest, I couldn't quite believe it. Even stepped on and off a few times in case the scales changed their opinion. Sadly, they didn't. So I muttered and swore to myself then brooded on my way to work.

I'm sure you'll know the way my internal conversation went... "That's really crap! This means I'm back up to 165 lbs (11 stone 11 lbs) for Gawd's sake! How can I have got it so astoundingly wrong just four short days ago? Or, worse still, how can I have gained a kilo and a half in just a couple of days?"

When I forced myself to stop and 'really' think about things I guess I have actually taken my eye off the ball in a far more self-deceiving sense than I had been admitting. Flushed with Monday's 'success' I loaded my own gun and proceeded to shoot myself in the foot for New Year. Oh yeah, big portions, puddings, cheese and alcohol. Minimal to no exercise either. Hmmm, that'd do it. Trouble is, getting to this 'logical approach' stage took some time.

What did this weighty revelation do to today's self control in the meantime? Well, I'm slinking and hiding my eyes as I write 'cos I'm mortified to admit that I let my very own pet devil take over and between us we blew 'self control' right out of the water. I bought and inhaled (really can't call it 'ate') a bar of chocolate. Yep, that's over and above the OK but not entirely healthy lunch I brought in.

Granted, I'm not a happy bunny. I guess you've figured that bit out, huh?

But, when I look back over a year, are things actually as awful as I am making out?

Last January I was congratulating myself on getting down to 85 kg. Yes, that's right. 85kg or 187 lbs (13 stone 5 lbs in old money).

Even with my balls-up in the scales department and an undeniable gain in weight over the seasonal festivities I am down twenty-two more flabby pounds from this time last year, when I was so very pleased with my progress.

That is actually a real, honest to goodness achievement and that is what I must focus on, not the short-term gain of this last few weeks. What's more, I know I can actually 'do it' and get these pounds back off. And I can get more of them off.

Hold that thought, fattie. And, better still, do something positive with it. You want to wear that size 12 skirt? Well, let this be the solid kick up the pants you need to get 2009 off to a better start.