Back to basics

No, no, not John Major, or even as 'stolen' by Mandelson and the New Labour spin merchants.

Looking back through my recent posts, I've been saying the right sorts of things, but I'm not convinced I really believed them, maybe even as my fingers hit the keys.

Yesterday was the end of another week of 'trying', just not really trying that hard. OK, sure, I haven't been well, but out came the stock excuses, out too went any semblance of motivation to 'do' what I was saying, in (to me!) went the bigger portions and the 'questionable' food choices. I really haven't looked after the person inside and have been on the slippery slope down (er, actually up) as a result.

My poor lovely hubby. Things came to a head last night with the news that my aunt has now been in hospital since Christmas and has suffered two more strokes since she's been there. It doesn't look all that good for her, bless her. That news triggered all my buried worries over my Mum, and of course darling hubby. Buried, but apparently still festering away! Health seems such an ephemeral and fragile privilege at the moment.

So, I ended up in tears all over my darling and finally put my worries into words for him. It was a soggy experience but I needed to get things out in the open and must admit I feel a whole lot better for sharing and having his strength to lean on. Have I mentioned before what an amazing man he is? Well, he is.

Today I think a corner has been turned and I feel 'ready'. As of this morning I did the full quota of physio exercises again for the first time in an age. I'm trying again, really trying now.

The scales had me placed firmly back at that awful 75kg this morning. Did I get stressed or depressed about it? No. I got on with the exercises, ate my beautiful porridge, threw together a healthy lunch (including cottage cheese and FRUIT!) and even got off my bus early, in the pouring rain, for my morning walk. It felt good!

I'm not going to go completely crazy. Yes, this is a good start but I need to be realistic. Yes, I want to get back to the gym, but I think I need to plan in some morning rowing first to get the breathing back on track... without the damned inhaler!

Lovely hubby is already helping with food. He plans to dish up two lovely, healthy home-made soups this week. Can't wait. I've planned out what I will bring for lunches each day (the salad veg and fruit buying happens tonight!) and feel positive.

I can do this. I can lose the extra 2.5kg that's plopped on since before Christmas and I can go on from there to be a healthier me again.