Oh no. Not again!

I just cannot believe this, but I have yet another bloody chest infection! It is only six weeks since the last one, which wrecked all my plans for my mum's birthday. What the hell is going on here?

I'm afraid to say that I was rather unimpressed with my GP's assessment of five (actually six now) chest infections in eighteen months being, and I quote, "just bad luck" and can't say I really believed a word of that. He seemed more interested in the asthma side of things, threatening to put me on a steroid inhaler (no way, pet!), but even I can see that this always starts with a cold or sore throat and is not just down to the blasted asthma! Even if the asthma does, of course, always flare up and linger for a while when this happens.

However, a couple of wheezy, coughy bouts ago, when I was sent for a chest X-ray, there appeared to be no underlying reason the recurring problems should happen.

What is really getting my goat is that it's knocked my exercise routine to hell... again! My peak flow has reduced and is now crap and my inhaler is my best friend once more. No energy or enthusiasm for the rower, or walking, or the gym. You could definitely say that I'm NOT a happy bunny.

The exercise hasn't blunted my appetite (it really isn't fair) and this knocks on to the weight, which is firmly back up to that bloody 77kg figure. I am SO fed up.

Cautiously optimistic?

It was back up to my 400 stokes target for my early morning rowing today. At long last! It's taken me such a time to claw my way back to that level, and my stroke rate is still fairly low, but that'll improve. Also back to walking at lunchtime, as of yesterday - again, a success.

And what's more, rather against my better judgement, I got on the scales again this morning and at long last they have dropped - this time, the needle settled at 76kg. So, it appears that my extended static spell in the doldrums with an unchanging figure (in both senses, whatever I did) might, but only might mind you, be over finally.

If I have indeed lost another kilo of the horrible flab, then my body weight is now below the magic 76.8kg figure. On achieving this stage, I would have lost more than 20% of my starting weight. This is a major milestone.

The icing on the (fat-free, of course) cake is that, if this weight loss stands, I'm now quite definitely merely 'overweight', not hovering on the border of 'obese' as my BMI is now unequivocally down below that awful 30 boundary, down to a slightly more respectable 28.5. This is a REALLY BIG deal for me - I've spent such a long time being obese (and not all that far from being clinically obese) and could never really see a way out of it.

I think this deserves a small celebration. I'll see what the gym has in store for me tonight, then may just let my hair down a little.

Let's draw some attention

My new lab coat is really getting me noticed. No, I don't mean the fantastic, smaller but rather boring old white one I was so pleased about on April 24th. Great as it was to fit into a 'normal' sized lab coat, this one beats it hands down!

This one is designed to attract every eye in the vicinity... and probably make them yearn for sunglasses! Curious yet?

OK, I'll show you.

Sadly, this isn't actually me modelling it. I'm not blonde (I just act it sometimes) and I don't have the slender ankles. But the coat? Mine is just as loud, colourful and utterly wonderful as this one. Another thing - it's roomy and it's only a medium size. And am I wearing it? You bet!

I can almost hear you asking where on earth it came from. Well, my lovely, huggable hubby bought it for me as a 'well done' present. It came in a huge box from the US one day last week.

If you love it too, just go and have a look at Steve Spangler Science - but I'm warning you, give yourself some time... lots of time... and hide your credit card.

Still struggling... but fighting

Things are getting a little better... I hope.

I'm back at Chi Kung on Mondays, back to the gym (twice this week) and doing my morning exercises again, after a fashion, at least. Still not back up to 400 stokes a day on the rower, but getting there. Not really going walking at lunchtimes much at all. Poor Excuse No. 1 - it was way too hot and sticky so I just sunbathed. Yes, I know I shouldn't but we get such little usable summer! And, more recently, Poor Excuse No. 2 - it's been raining so I haven't been... yet again.

Food is still not so good. I resorted to a bag of Maltesers last week as I got really down about all this weight and tiredness stuff, and then our fun night out at the local greyhound track was not very helpful either. Pleasant enough food, if a bit boring, but including chips and some sort of creamy sauce - no salad choices at all. The Guinness probably wasn't a wise move either.

Similarly, the weekend has had it's ups and downs. Some good choices (shrimp bisque), some rather bad ones (just a 'small' slice of shortbread!) . Overall I guess it was not too good. Hopped onto the scales this morning and I'm still stuck at 77kg. I'm really frustrated and low about this but, as hubby points out, at least it hasn't gone up!

I still don't really understand why I've lost so much motivation and it is rather getting to me. I was so very, very committed and then it all seemed to drain away. I know I've made good progress over the last year. I've definitely got fitter (and apparently more confident) and am obviously less heavy than I was when I started. So why is this slump happening and why am I finding it so damned hard to reverse the decline in enthusiasm and lose more of these excess bloody pounds?

Recovery?

OK, a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Those extra two pounds have agreed to go away again - phew! I'm not quite back on track with the exercise but have at least made a small amount of progress - some walking and the rower has been used again, just not very heavily yet. Monday will see me back at Chi Kung so I am getting there... slowly.

I'm still not wildly enthusiastic, but I'm hoping that a bit more motivation will kick in again soon.

One good thing. Those lovely food scientists at WeightWatchers have come up with a prune yoghurt which is just divine! It is, of course, low fat (their stuff usually is) but it is creamy and full of little prune pieces. With a dessertspoon or two of value muesli (heavy on the oats, light on the added extras and with NO sugar) it makes a satisfying and filling breakfast. And, when I'm 'fancy hungry*' it often fills that little hole.

*'Fancy Hungry' - a family term which means that you are not actually hungry as in starving, but just fancy something nice. In the old days it used to be filled with a bag of crisps or a bar of chocolate!

Doldrums

Things are not going very well right now. There are a fair few things on my mind (mostly family & health related) so sleep is disrupted once again and I'm dog-tired. That's my excuse, but it really shouldn't be a reason for where I'm at.

The effects? Don't feel like exercise, am not being as careful as I should be with food choices or portions and I've stopped losing weight - no, let's be brutally honest here - I've put a couple of pounds back on. Yes, that is two pounds - up, not down!

I think I've let myself become a bit complacent - after all, quite a few people have told me I am looking good. So, I've believed them - and that's been a really good thing. But what I guess I should remind myself (to keep me motivated towards future progress) is that they probably mean "compared to the awful fat cow you used to be". I must not forget that I still have a long way to go.

All in all I'm really close to having lost the plot and I just don't want to be here. I need to give myself a serious talking to and return for a look at why I wanted to do this in the first place.

One positive note to emerge from all this gloom - hubby commented on the fact that he can clearly see that I have more confidence in myself than I did a year ago. He says I used to 'hide' in baggy loose clothes and be a bit 'uncertain' when it came to going out and that now I wear things which show my figure (flabby as it may be) and just go out without a worry. So I must tell myself that every cloud does indeed have a silver lining and somehow get back to being Mrs Motivated!

Bank Holiday Blow-out!

Not a great report I'm afraid. The Bank Holiday weekend was really none too good, either food-wise or for exercise.

On Saturday we started off being quite virtuous during the day, working hard and cleaning the house to within an inch of it's life. Exercise - albeit not of the gym kind. Then we ran out of time and went out 'just for a sandwich' on the way to shop for that night's special meal. Unfortunately, it wasn't a simple sarnie that we ate in the end, but full-scale ham, egg (x2!) and chips.

Then, of course, we had our guests over to dinner. We always feed our visitors well, and tonight was no exception. Three courses and, without going into absolute detail here, let's just mention that double-cream was involved! As was wine, cheese, chocolate and various other 'treats'! Yes, the steamed veggies with the main course probably made up for a tiny, teeny, incy-wincy bit of the overall badness but...

Enough. Let's draw a veil over Saturday.

Sunday dawned to good intentions and did indeed start off well. Too full to eat breakfast we went out for the day - lots of walking. Not speedy, but walking. Then we stopped for coffee. Not too bad - a scone, but no cream, jam or butter. Still fine, but then it didn't stop us polishing off all last night's leftovers for our evening meal. And yes, it still involved all of the 'treats' from last night (with the exception of the wine) but then to cap it all, we added even more crap. Yes, we started on the chocolates we'd been given by our guests!

Monday - a day of rest. Quite literally as we still didn't get our butts to the gym as hubby still has arthritis in his shoulder (nowt wrong with the lazy fat lass mind you!). Food-wise we were fine during the day, then came dinner. Oh no! There was double-cream to use up, so into the sauce it went. Then we sat down to watch a film. Out came the rest of the chocolates - and they've all gone now. What is it with us and chocolates recently?

I'm pleased to say I've been soundly punished for this weekend's excess. I was awake for a lot of last night, suffering with well-earned indigestion. Serves me damn well right too! It's good (and safer) to be back at work, methinks.

That little bit closer

Not too far to go now to the 20% milestone. I'm down to just about 77kg (about 12st 2lbs) so things are still heading in the right direction.

It's not always easy - in fact it's sometimes damned hard to keep going. Still, I just need to remind myself of how far I've come since I started and (with luck) that should keep me going.

The hard bit at the moment? Well, the exercise has taken another hit as I've pulled something in my back through coughing. I'm missing the gym - I still can't quite believe I'm writing that, but I am!

Oh, and that tempting Toblerone? Still in my desk drawer.