Life is a bit of a rollercoaster ride

Life is full of little ups and downs. They've all happened this week... and it's only Thursday. It has not been a great week for food (some 'naughtier' options early on in the week) so far, but a reasonable week for exercise (considering everything), a pretty poor week healthwise, an awful week for body image and a very variable week for motivation. Plus ça change...!

Saw the physio on Tuesday and, after about two months of work on my part, she does see some progress... just not a lot, and certainly less than I'd hoped for. I have to confess I'm a bit disappointed and rather demoralised as I really have been trying hard to make progress. Never mind, pick myself up, keep on doing what I'm doing now (but more so), on to the next review in November and then start with Plan B.

The knee and lower back have conspired against me to make for a few painful days (and nights!) since the weekend. Getting precious little sleep and becoming more tired by the day doesn't make things easy to keep to the plan. My patience has flagged and my temper has become a whole lot shorter - this means I'm not the only one suffering. I hate taking pills (somehow it feels like I'm failing), but sometimes there really isn't a choice if you need to keep moving - so painkillers 'r us this week. What's the betting that it will all have settled down by the time I get to see my GP?

The wonderful world of work is a sniffly, miserable place at the moment. I'm OK (and taking Vitamin C in the form of an orange a day!), but quite a few people here have colds, sore throats, etc. Don't give it to me - I don't want it!

Some reasons to be grateful though. I spoke to a good friend of mine a couple of days ago and she is really going through a bad time. There is nothing we can do to help, except be there for support - that makes me feel quite ashamed for all my whining. I've just found out that my brother isn't doing too well either. And to make things even more pointed, I saw a picture of my ex. I know he has been ill but he looks really, really old and haggard and he is only nine years older than me - again, that makes me aware that my 'wee problems' are not actually terribly serious.

On a positive note, I have now got a posh frock to give me some motivation and a target to aim for. It's black, it's long, it's slinky and it's absolutely nothing like anything I've ever worn (or owned!) in my life. It's also a size 14, and doesn't look like a particularly generous cut to my jaundiced eye. I can just about manage to shoe-horn myself into it and, with a struggle, get the zip done up... but can't then breathe or move. Hmmm, so it's not going to be worn this Christmas, but perhaps next?

It is beyond amazing to me to think that I'm even considering something like this. A year ago I'd have a) avoided going anywhere that entailed posh clothes and b) if forced to dress up as a girl, hidden my flab in a tent!

Good morning

Despite my worries I went to Chi Kung last night and the knee held up reasonably well for the whole hour. There were one or two bits it didn't like too much but I carried on anyway and really enjoyed being back at my class, seeing some old faces and some new ones. The focus and measured movements had a really positive effect on me - I found the day's cares and worries dropping away as we went through the evening. It was great to be back and I can happily say that I limped out feeling a whole lot better than when I limped in!

Today it was up early and back on the rower (a slow but steady 350 strokes), and then doing my other morning exercises. Again, not all plain sailing but do-able and I feel a lot better for it. My daily walk (well, hobble) across town into work was good too - a cool, but lovely autumnal morning here.

Yes, my knee hurts... and my lower back is also joining in the fun this morning, but it's just a matter of reminding myself that making an effort and overcoming a bit of discomfort is all part of putting the work in to rid myself of more horrid flab.

Let's keep with the positive mood today. Worth a bit of pain? Yep!

Addendum...

I've just lost the plot entirely, and been bad.

It was the sight of a pasty, warm from the oven, that did it. Yes, I'd already eaten my lunchtime orange and a bowl of muesli (with skimmed milk for gawd's sake) and only went to the canteen for a cup of tea. But there it was, all flaking pastry and golden.

It wasn't even that nice. Mea culpa!

Things can only get better

Can't they?

After a lovely weekend, it doesn't feel like a great start to the week. I've just realised that summer is officially over, today being the Autumn Equinox night and day are equally long, so from tomorrow we get more darkness than light. Wonderful. After such a washout summer, it feels like it could be a long winter.

And, it's Monday morning which is weighing morning. The bad news? The needle on my scales is sitting stubbornly at 76kg - not a hint of movement since last week, and this last one has been a 'good' week. After the great progress in recent weeks, a bit demotivating to say the least - oh pooh!

I'm also not feeling on top form. It was not the best of nights and my knee is quite swollen and uncomfortable (no actually, it hurts!) today. I think hubby was a bit surprised when he saw it as it doesn't usually get this bad. I can't straighten it properly and I should be starting my Chi Kung evening classes again tonight. I'm not sure how it'll react to that. Maybe I'd best get the damn thing checked over, but the next sensibly timed appointment is over a week away.

I couldn't face breakfast this morning so ended up eating a banana when I got to work. Not ideal, I know, and now I'm ravenous. Just had my apple and a couple of Ryvita but if a cow walks past me too slowly it may get gnawed.

I'm definitely having a 'poor me' day and all I really want to do is hibernate and 'treat' myself. Hmmm, methinks I'll really need to be on the ball to keep myself on track today.

I'm not giving up the day job

Last night I thought I'd do something I never ever do. Something that is an everyday, no big deal event to a lot of folk. What was I thinking? Why - I'd make a cake. To be precise, a birthday cake. Not just any old birthday cake, but one with no sugar and minimal fat - better for me (I can have a tiny slice, can't I?) and a surprise treat for my lovely hubby... or so I thought.

Just one of many things I hadn't factored into this equation - I'm absolutely crap at cake-making. No, I mean really, really crap. Abysmally crap, in fact. But hey, I'm filled with new-found optimism, or maybe I just have a selective memory or something, so I went ahead anyway.

Obstacle No. 1 - the recipe. Well, I looked on the web and didn't really find a sugar free cake recipe I liked the look of (or thought I could manage - hell, but some of them look intimidating!). So, I improvised a bit and, er, 'adapted' a recipe for a chocolate and almond cake to cook in a microwave. I'd thought to myself that microwaving must surely be easier than worrying whether I had the right oven temperature. Hmm, a tactical error, I think.

Obstacle No. 2 - shopping for the bits I needed. Sugar substitute (tick), low fat spread (tick), cocoa powder, unsweetened... oh, where the heck am I going to find that? Two stores down (loads of instant hot chocolate but no good old-fashioned cocoa) but the third actually has some (so... tick). Chocolate for the topping... ah, that rather blows the fat and sugar free idea, but what the hell. Rest of the stuff is fairly basic so I can get myself home and start.

Obstacle No. 3 - a cake tin. Or rather a cake 'not tin', indeed, not metal at all. This is a major obstacle. You forgot you were microwaving the thing stoopid! Time to improvise. Haven't got a circular flat dish so use the square vegetable bowl. OK, it's a bit deep, with sloping sides and the cake'll look like a pyramid with the top sliced off but that's modern... isn't it?

Whizzy, whizzy, let's get busy and I weigh, mix, pour and pop in the microwave for the specified four minutes. Not looking good - it's not cooked in the centre. In for a bit longer... sides are getting a bit overdone and the middle is still soggy. Zap for still longer (while crossing fingers and toes) and it finally looks sort of OK... ish, so out it comes. When I turn it out it's kind of dense... and not very thick. In fact the middle is rather less thick than the rest, with a noticeable dip. And it still looks a bit soggy in the middle to me - but I can't put it back in for yet more time!

Oh well, let it cool, decorate with that fat-free (er, much throat clearing and looking away) chocolate and decorate with a few almonds. It doesn't really look the way I hoped, but it is almost recognisable as a cake... in low light. I'd post a photo but I don't want you all to be jealous - tee hee.

Decide not to present it as a surprise on the big day, but show hubby when he gets in. If he wants to laugh, that's fine - after all, I'm having a great deal of difficulty keeping a straight face. He is really kind about it and doesn't roll on the floor. Neither of us are willing to try it yet though. We may try tonight. Then again, we may decide to go out and sink the neighbourhood ducks.