Green Tea KitKat

A work colleague gave me a Green Tea KitKat from Japan to try.

First surprise... it was green, actually bright green. Oh! Get the sunglasses on - I've never eaten green chocolate before.

Second surprise... it was OK. Not great, not 'must find a supplier' but OK. No noticeable taste of green tea, or much else to be honest, but it was very sweet.

And the damage? Only 69 calories but I'm guessing (as my Japanese is shaky to say the least) that most of those calories come from sugar.

Can't say I'll be looking out for another one.

Back to basics

No, no, not John Major, or even as 'stolen' by Mandelson and the New Labour spin merchants.

Looking back through my recent posts, I've been saying the right sorts of things, but I'm not convinced I really believed them, maybe even as my fingers hit the keys.

Yesterday was the end of another week of 'trying', just not really trying that hard. OK, sure, I haven't been well, but out came the stock excuses, out too went any semblance of motivation to 'do' what I was saying, in (to me!) went the bigger portions and the 'questionable' food choices. I really haven't looked after the person inside and have been on the slippery slope down (er, actually up) as a result.

My poor lovely hubby. Things came to a head last night with the news that my aunt has now been in hospital since Christmas and has suffered two more strokes since she's been there. It doesn't look all that good for her, bless her. That news triggered all my buried worries over my Mum, and of course darling hubby. Buried, but apparently still festering away! Health seems such an ephemeral and fragile privilege at the moment.

So, I ended up in tears all over my darling and finally put my worries into words for him. It was a soggy experience but I needed to get things out in the open and must admit I feel a whole lot better for sharing and having his strength to lean on. Have I mentioned before what an amazing man he is? Well, he is.

Today I think a corner has been turned and I feel 'ready'. As of this morning I did the full quota of physio exercises again for the first time in an age. I'm trying again, really trying now.

The scales had me placed firmly back at that awful 75kg this morning. Did I get stressed or depressed about it? No. I got on with the exercises, ate my beautiful porridge, threw together a healthy lunch (including cottage cheese and FRUIT!) and even got off my bus early, in the pouring rain, for my morning walk. It felt good!

I'm not going to go completely crazy. Yes, this is a good start but I need to be realistic. Yes, I want to get back to the gym, but I think I need to plan in some morning rowing first to get the breathing back on track... without the damned inhaler!

Lovely hubby is already helping with food. He plans to dish up two lovely, healthy home-made soups this week. Can't wait. I've planned out what I will bring for lunches each day (the salad veg and fruit buying happens tonight!) and feel positive.

I can do this. I can lose the extra 2.5kg that's plopped on since before Christmas and I can go on from there to be a healthier me again.

Stalemate

Just as I thought I was over the bug... it came back and flattened me again!

So, in summary:-

Food intake = varied
Exercise = non-existent
Attitude = poor
Motivation = off the scale (the wrong way)

Despite spending an unreasonable number of hours asleep in bed (and wrapped in layer upon layer just trying in vain to keep warm) the weight has dropped to 74kg which I guess is something, but I just don't feel great about doing it this way.

One shining beacon though. Lovely hubby has been wonderful and made us some great 'pick-me-up' soup. A fabulous home-made chunky vegetable broth with swede, parsnips, leeks and carrots. Oh yes, and a healthy dose of garlic. No need for bread as pearl barley added some delicious carbs. Wish I'd taken a photo. With luck, it'll keep the vampires away as well as kill off those pesky little viruses.

Let's hope I can shake it off this time. It really is getting to be rather tiresome. I want to get on with life again.

Starting 2009 on a plus?

Hell, no! Today, dammit, has been a truly dreadful day - as in, not good at all... or has it?

Got on the scales as it was my first morning back at work today, you know, just to check, and the bloody needle swept right past the 73.5kg mark (yes, the very one I was so very proud of on Monday) and landed with an almost audible thump on 75kg! Huh? What the fluff?

I have to say I kept my guilty secret completely schtum and didn't mention it to lovely hubby. To be honest, I couldn't quite believe it. Even stepped on and off a few times in case the scales changed their opinion. Sadly, they didn't. So I muttered and swore to myself then brooded on my way to work.

I'm sure you'll know the way my internal conversation went... "That's really crap! This means I'm back up to 165 lbs (11 stone 11 lbs) for Gawd's sake! How can I have got it so astoundingly wrong just four short days ago? Or, worse still, how can I have gained a kilo and a half in just a couple of days?"

When I forced myself to stop and 'really' think about things I guess I have actually taken my eye off the ball in a far more self-deceiving sense than I had been admitting. Flushed with Monday's 'success' I loaded my own gun and proceeded to shoot myself in the foot for New Year. Oh yeah, big portions, puddings, cheese and alcohol. Minimal to no exercise either. Hmmm, that'd do it. Trouble is, getting to this 'logical approach' stage took some time.

What did this weighty revelation do to today's self control in the meantime? Well, I'm slinking and hiding my eyes as I write 'cos I'm mortified to admit that I let my very own pet devil take over and between us we blew 'self control' right out of the water. I bought and inhaled (really can't call it 'ate') a bar of chocolate. Yep, that's over and above the OK but not entirely healthy lunch I brought in.

Granted, I'm not a happy bunny. I guess you've figured that bit out, huh?

But, when I look back over a year, are things actually as awful as I am making out?

Last January I was congratulating myself on getting down to 85 kg. Yes, that's right. 85kg or 187 lbs (13 stone 5 lbs in old money).

Even with my balls-up in the scales department and an undeniable gain in weight over the seasonal festivities I am down twenty-two more flabby pounds from this time last year, when I was so very pleased with my progress.

That is actually a real, honest to goodness achievement and that is what I must focus on, not the short-term gain of this last few weeks. What's more, I know I can actually 'do it' and get these pounds back off. And I can get more of them off.

Hold that thought, fattie. And, better still, do something positive with it. You want to wear that size 12 skirt? Well, let this be the solid kick up the pants you need to get 2009 off to a better start.

A New Look for a New Year

And I'm not talking about me. In fact I'm well overdue a haircut!

Hope you like the new design. It's thanks to Sharnee way down under in Oz.

Back to the grind tomorrow.