21 September 2010


No, no! Not the weight again, thank goodness, although it hasn't begun to drop at all noticeably, at least not just yet - though why would it as I've only just got my bottom back into the saddle. But, there are a couple of things that seem to have increased.

The first one is a bad one - it's 'me'. Or rather the picture of 'me' that I'm carrying in my mind at the moment. I know it isn't 'real' but it sure feels that way (gawd, but emotion v. logic can be an epic battle sometimes). It is probably a lot to do with being under stress (frail elderly parent + unexpected problem + caring at a distance = big time guilt + helplessness = stress!) but I'm feeling like that turquiose chappie in the picture at the moment - and it's making me want to hide under a rock and stuff my face. However, I am NOT going to do that!

And the other increase? Well, it's a positive one. Just a little experiment with the rowing, increasing my morning's movement by a couple more minutes (adding an extra fifty strokes). Not a lot, I know, but every little effort will help.

The dreaded abs beast is earning it's keep in earnest again too (I had become a bit of a slacker, methinks) and I may be able to increase the reps there a bit too... if I get organised and make packed lunches in the evenings so I'm not doing the headless chicken dance in the kitchen in the mornings!

Fat Grump said something in her post today about weight struggles and how food can be our "drug of choice". She went on to say that "like addicts we use it to calm ourselves and to make our world right for the few minutes or so that we indulge". Boy, do I ever know what she meant and I'm fighting that addiction really hard at the moment.

How about just trying to replace my 'drug of choice' with one which is not so harmful? Maybe try leaning on the exercise instead.

Getting there... slowly. That's always been my motto and it's as true now as it was when I first started.


Vickie said...

I realise you are talking about being under stress but it made me think of another forewarning:

as the walls of muscle increase, the 'fat' pockets sitting on those walls are sort of more obvious to US.

Not to the general public, but to US.

This is a very normal part of being down to the last bits.

I call it the 'muscle pushing the fat out' thing. I mention it because you brought up Budha.

It will sound like you are being a perfectionist or have disordered impression of your body (and that does happen, you have to get help if you have disordered thinking) to the general public. Because you will be SMALLER. But I am here to say at times you will feel fatER as you shrink.

This is not to freak you out - it is to say - when you have those feelings, but the scale is lower and your clothes are loser - it means you are really getting somewhere.

It means your muscle tone is REALLY coming along.

And as you continue to feed your body like a temple so it stays strong and healthy, and the pounds drop, everything sort of balances back out again.

Disproportional parts become more proportional.

For me - the big defining moment was when my waist fit into the same size pants that my butt and hips and thighs required.

I had gone for years not fitting in any pants with a waist band/zipper, and then even after I had lost the first 60+lbs, I was very disportional.

If it fit my waist, it was HUGE everywhere else. If it fit everywhere else, could not remotely zip/snap. That is not to say that everyone is totally proportional, we all have our little foibles . . .

There is a whole series on my side bar links:



I have a budha picture of my own here:


And I SOOOOOOOOOOOO understand about elderly parents. We have been dealing with my mom's husband locally for 8 years of very serious health problems. And my husband's mother dwindled from ovarian cancer all summer. She was diagnosed in 2007 and did pretty well until the last several months. She died a couple weeks ago. And she was 12 hours away. My husband was there a lot and it was very hard to juggle work for him. I am home full time, so he didn't have to juggle kids (our youngest is 12, even though we are turning 50). I really feel for you. And YES, it is very hard to handle all those feelings. And yes, food is a very long standing coping mechanism for most of us. We were (mostly) raised that way and society really reinforces it.

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