07 October 2009

Let's get positive

It's such a relief to be able to vent my feelings here. But a warning - anyone of a delicate disposition, navigate away now. The fat lass is going to rant.

It has been a trying day, up to now. Mother Nature has returned to haunt me (after rather a long absence), bless her, and the grumps have arrived in force along with the cramps. In fact, they showed up yesterday but I didn't cotton on. Little things I usually let sail by I've snapped at. Irritations which normally just, er, irritate me have sent me into a none too pretty temper tantrum. Put it down to the hormones.

Hmmm, as that subject has come up... with the way all things 'female' have been going over the last six to eight months, I went to visit my doctor earlier in the week about planning for the menopause. I'm sorry to say I was decidedly unimpressed.

I asked the doctor what to expect. Huh! I know no more now than I did beforehand. Ifs, buts and maybes were all I managed to walk away with. Seriously, every woman in the world goes through this - is it that woolly a subject?

I asked about HRT. Huh! I endured a semi-lecture about the increased risks of this and that, but concentrating on heart disease, stroke and DVT. I know it's important but c'mon, surely the increased risk of these when I was so overweight should have triggered this pep talk, not the vague prospect of maybe, possibly considering HRT?

So is the start of the menopause what's actually going on with my body? Huh! I still don't know, since the doc couldn't say, and only a blood test will confirm it.

So have I had said blood test? Like hell I have - the doc (and I quote) 'can't' do it and I have to make another appointment for a smidge-idgen of my blood to be sucked out by the 'qualified' nurse/phlebotomist. So doctors aren't qualified, eh? Why do they spend all those years as students?

Oh yes, another thing - I can only have this blood test in the morning (of course, I went to see the doc in the afternoon!), which means taking more time off work. Is it just me, or is this crazy? I've been growling ever since.

You may have noticed that I've been doing exactly the wrong thing and dwelling on all this. A tip to remember - this does not help. Not one bit.

After reacting poorly to a particularly stoopid incident this morning I went out for a bad tempered stomp at lunch. Actually, that was a good move and it served me well. My mood lightened sufficiently to recognise that I was behaving like a spoilt brat. Worse, I was in serious danger of losing my head to a bad food choice (anything at hand... and lots of it!) and then my black dog would have descended on me without a doubt.

"No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself" - Thomas Mann

OK then, time for a shift in today's version of 'reality'. The sky may be grey and tearful, but the fat lass is NOT going to be. There are good things to think about so that's what I'm going to concentrate on.

What's more, snce a good walk in the rain and fresh air helped earlier, learn the lesson and do it again after work. The worst that can happen is I get wet. So what! The best WILL happen and that includes getting a little more exercise, building up some positives and taking a different 'me' home.


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