Re-motivation

I've been doing some thinking over the weekend and have realised I've been guilty of letting stress overcome me and make me feel powerless again. Focusing on the 'I can't' rather than the 'I can'. 'Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid!

That has to change.

The various family health worries are not going to go away just because I want them to, and it's about time I started dealing with them as a grown up, not letting the frightened child in me run scared. I can't affect others, but what about me?

Let's take a long look at why I started this whole process, way back in June 2007. Yes, I wanted to be less fat. But the biggest driver was doing something to make me healthier - to avoid the prospects of worsening arthritis, and developing diabetes or heart disease. Hopefully, I've come a long way towards making that happen. As a bonus my asthma (which had deteriorated quite a lot) has improved more than I would have believed possible. I cannot remember the last time my inhaler was unearthed from the nether regions of my handbag. I have an asthma review tomorrow and it will be interesting to see if my clinician agrees with my own assessment.

I'm pretty happy with what I'm eating these days. I feel like my 'normal' patterns of eating have shifted to a much healthier diet overall, albeit with occasional lapses. But that's OK and I can't see me ever going back to the way I used to eat. I could still use a little work on reducing portion sizes, and I need to do that in co-operation with lovely hubby.

More recently, in December 2008, I set myself a couple of goals. The first was to reach 70kg. OK, we nailed that one, although I've hung about and shuffled a wee bit over and under it for rather too long. As an aside, today's scales reading is 69kg. Progress, but could do better still.

The second goal was to attain a BMI of 25. That would make me officially 'normal' or, to put it another way, no longer in the 'overweight' class. That'll be reached when I hit 10 stone 5 lbs, around the 65.5kg mark. We are talking eight or nine pounds away from where I am right now. Notice that I say 'when' not 'if'. That's a real surprise to find that I just automatically write (and think) in those terms - I now 'know' I can do it now, you see.

But the thing which will break the current stalemate (with me hovering around 70kg) is to increase the exercise I do - to use up more calories than I'm using at the moment. I need to get back on the rower, and gradually build up my time and speed. I'm at the stage where my knee and back should let me do it. Didn't manage it today, sadly, so guess what I plan to do in the morning.

In the longer term I want to get back to the gym, and I think I can do that too. Maybe not doing the exact routine I used to do, maybe with a couple of modifications so the knee and back won't flare up and ruin my fun, but there's got to be some sort of work-around.

I'm going to add another goal. I currently have a 31" waist (or maybe just a shade under that). But dangling below my waist is that soft blobby (pure fat!) belly which I hate, even though there are some firm-ish muscles underlying the fat. OK, it isn't realistic to think the flubber will magically vanish, even as the weight reduces, but there are things I can do to help. Arrrrgh, a return to the abs exercises!

And my new goal is...? What I want to see is that waist measurement below 30" (below 29" would be even better) and a marked reduction in the flubber. For both, exercise looks like the way to go.