What did you really hate?

Well, I have managed to shake off those few pounds I put on over Christmas - phew! I'm very relieved about that as, otherwise, I'm not feeling terribly good about things right now.

I read Diane's entry from last week about maintenance and she quotes a very frightening statistic. The one which tells us that "95% of people who lose weight will gain it back within two years". Yes, I've seen this before and, going by my past history, I can see that this is spot on... after all, I've been one of those statistics too many times before.

Although I still have some lbs to lose before I get to my 'ideal' weight, I am moving closer to the stage where the weight loss part of my journey will be over and I face a whole new learning curve, that of keeping the weight off - so Diane's post was very timely.

I have to admit that the idea of maintenance scares me quite a lot. OK, I've come a long way, but feel it would be all too easy for me to become complacent about where I am now. All too easy for the pounds to begin creep back on and for my hard-won current fitness levels to creep out of the door. I don't know if it's the time of year (for this read post-Christmas slump) but, reading around, it seems I'm not alone in having lost a bit of my enthusiasm and get-up-and-go.

What really worries me is that my resolve and motivation levels seem to have plummeted since the positive mood of my post at the start of the year. Sure, it's been icy and snowy here and I'm fighting a delightful bug which makes me feel a good 15% to 20% below par, even now, and will not allow me to stay warm... whatever I do (as I write I'm bundled up like Nanook of the North!). Athough I haven't eaten horribly badly it hasn't truly been weight loss eating either. As for the exercise... oh dear, what a wimp. No excuses hold water. I'm just not really looking after myself at the moment. This has got to change - fast!

Thinking about strategies to a) lose the remaining flab, b) keep it off and c) get my fitness levels back up where I'd like them, and to quote dear old Baldrick, it's time for a 'cunning plan'.

I've read about the things people hate (or hated) about being overweight in many posts over the years. Pondering these has prompted me look back at the things which made me unhappy when I was at my heaviest... and why making the change and losing weight has been such a very positive thing.

So here goes, to remind myself about what each of these things were and take note because, by recognising and remembering why they were so hard to live with, they should stand as a firm reminder of why it is so important that the weight I've shed stays off - permanently!

I think I may just pin this on my wardrobe door.... maybe with a photo or two of the way things were.

You can see the picture a bit bigger if you click on it (I hope) so, in no particular order...

January scales

Nope, I didn't mis-spell it! This is nothing to do with discounts and start of the year 'buy one, get one' offers. This is the moment for the annual confession and review, and there's both good news and bad to report.

OK, let's get the bad bit over first and admit to the number I saw on the scales this morning. It's a gain for the fat lass and I'm now right back at 64kg (just over my ten stone milestone). Having managed to keep those pesky lbs off in the run-up to Christmas, a drop-off in exercise and slightly looser control over my eating patterns during the period between Christmas and New Year (mostly when we were away) means that I'm around two or three pounds up. Hence I'm a wee bit more of a fat lass to start 2010 than I'd like to be.

But, there is actually some good news hidden away in these words too. This 'good' centres primarily on the fact that I've ONLY gained this much, as I didn't leap completely off the wagon and gain masses of weight, and that I'm still fairly close to that miracle ten stone mark. Looking back over the last few years, the progress I've made with my weight loss becomes much more clear. Hmmm, this blogging lark really does have some extra benefits I hadn't thought too much about before.

So, let's review things - around this time in January 2008 I was congratulating myself on my weight being down to an astonishing 85kg or 187 lbs (13 stone 5 lbs). That was a very big deal for me and I was overjoyed to still be losing weight steadily some six months, or so, on from my blinding moment on the road to Damascus!

Then, last January I bemoaned a gain which put me back at 75kg or 165 lbs (11 stone 11 lbs). That followed being 'relatively' careful, but taking my eye off the ball at the final stages of the holiday season. Even so, I could see the bigger picture and what a difference that year had made to me, and it made me happy and remotivated me.

As you'll have gathered my mental arithmetic is never the best, but I still make it an overall loss of 11kg over the last year, and that's not too far short of two stone of my hated flab that I've managed to shed. If I look right back to where I was when I began this 'change of life' I've lost somewhere in the region of six stone. Wow! Needless to say, I'm very, very happy about that. But that's just the weight side of things and the bathroom scales don't show the whole picture.

Let's look at 'scales' in another sense - balancing what was against what is now.

The improvement in my health is the cause of most of my rejoicing. I still carry the dreaded salbutamol inhaler in the depths of my handbag (lovely hubby calls it my suitcase!), but never need to use it. These days I rarely get totally breathless... unless I completely overdo the exercise enthusiasm! I don't even know where the horrible steroid inhaler is. My peak flow is something I'm now quite happy with. In fact, I no longer consider myself to class as 'asthmatic'.

What's more, I no longer fear the almost inevitable onset of Type II diabetes and coronary heart disease anytime soon. Their spectres may not have gone away for ever (I guess the damage I've done to myself over the years cannot be completely reversed) but at least I think I've managed to postpone them for a fair few years to come.

OK, my joints haven't made it to 50 in the best condition, and they crunch and crack and ache daily. But those joints have such a lot less to contend with now that they used to. Heaven knows what state I'd have been in by now if I hadn't done something to address the pressures they were dealing with. All in all, my fitness is generally better now than it's ever been - and that's still whilst I'm feeling a shade guilty that I've slacked off and gone slightly backwards!

'What' I eat has undergone a radical transformation and my tastes have changed to the extent that a lot of my old cravings actually make me react with an instant 'yuck' if I see them now. The 'plus' sized burger meal or a dripping cheesy, meat-laden pizza? No thanks! As I write I'm enjoying my morning tea with my customary crisp, crunchy Pink Lady apple. Delicious!

And, in my downsized fat lass world, the word 'fun' now comes before 'food' in my dictionary. I think that's a pretty big change, and one worth noting.

My appearance has changed dramatically too. I don't just mean my size, which certainly has altered, but the fact that I now actually care what I look like and try to make the best of myself, flaws and all. I've been told on more than one occasion that I've got younger and I 'sort of' get the point.

Because I now look pretty normal (to my eyes) and I don't try to hide away, my confidence has returned to a large extent. I feel 'womanly' again and dress more adventurously - this fat lass has moved far away from the baggy cover-ups and graveyard palette and now wears fitted clothes in pale shades and colours!

So, back to the review:

Has it been worth it so far?
Yes!
No regrets at all - I only wish I had started this years ago.

Will I keep working at weight loss and lose those last few pounds in 2010?
Yes!
I'm already planning to wear my next, smaller-sized, 'target' skirt (even though it means I may have to discard some current favourites) and am all set for salsacise and the gym to start again next week.

Will I keep the lost lbs off?
Yes!
It won't be easy and I expect there'll be a lot of moaning and groaning along the way, but I will not go back to being the old fat lass. She is out of my life and I'm quite happy with that. It feels like I've rediscovered (well, regained actually) the old 'me' who got buried under my excess weight and seemed completely lost for ever. Amazingly, she was still in there somewhere - it's great to have her back.

Brassica bliss

It's time to indulge myself at Christmas. "What!?" I can hear you gasp. "Has the fat lass gone crazy?"

Well, no actually. What I plan to indulge is my passion for Brassica oleracea, or one of the cultivars in particular... the good old Brussels Sprout. Not only are they the most festive of all vegetables, but they are delicious (especially now we've had some icy conditions, which always improves their flavour). Even better, they are rich in essential nutrients including vitamin A, vitamin C, folic acid and dietary fibre and contain high levels of a chemical called sinigrin which may help prevent bowel cancer (thanks Wikipedia!).

There is something about the humble Brussel which makes me feel Christmassy just to look at it. That tightly wrapped little bundle of green goodness just waiting quietly on your plate to deliver the crunch and subtle taste of it's own, counteracting any fattiness from the meat and roast potatoes.

So, there they are, my little green friends. They're in my fridge and calling my name. Quietly at the moment, but come tomorrow...

Merry Christmas folks.

Holding on in there

Never mind the New Year's resolution... I made myself a Christmas promise this year. So, I have been, still am, and will keep on making a really big effort not to let the seasonal eating (or offers of a glass or two of sherry!) overwhelm me and to keep my body moving - walking as much as the snow and ice will allow me to do. So far I seem to be doing reasonably well and went walking (OK, slithering) both yesterday morning and at lunchtime, and again today.

So far, so good and those lovely scales have settled back down under the milestone ten stone mark again. I have to say I am really, really pleased about that. In fact, I'm still dancing on air!

The small loss which puts me back to the right side of 'that mark' has been made a little easier by a cancelled weekend away asthe delightfully pretty, but not particularly helpful snowy weather rather got in the way of our travel plans! But, however disappointing, this meant we ate at home and I could control exactly what ended up on my plate - always a good move. Sadly, it means that the present shopping isn't done with yet and a mild but growing case of Yuletide panic is beginning to emerge.

I am now looking firmly forward to getting the annual festivities out of the way (ungrateful Scrooge-like mare that I am) and planning ahead to 2010 and getting back to salsacise and the gym. This is desperately needed to address some of the problems of the flabby belly and other bits! I really do need to firm things up a bit. Clothed, I look pretty reasonable for a fifty year old ex-fat lass, unclothed I rather remind myself of this...!

And yes, I know my belly won't ever go away completely and be smoothly flat. I won't ever look like those girls in bikini ads. Well, not without the intervention of a gowned man with a scalpel and, being a confirmed coward, I cannot contemplate that! It would be unrealistic of me to think it would as I've always had my share of the family protruding tummy. I remember being told it was 'puppy fat' when I was a teenager and my Dad used to affectionately call my Mum 'Pud' because she always had 'the tummy', however slim and elegant she was (and she was!).

On the positive side, I tried on a lovely deep red courduroy size ten (UK) skirt yesterday and it fitted me. It was cut for someone who did indeed sport a nice flat belly so was a bit too 'clingy' on the belly to wear and feel great (although the waistband wasn't tight), but trying a size ten was still a nice boost to my self esteem. Quite a Christmas present, in fact.

Good luck to all over this festive period. Hope Santa is kind and leaves those extra lbs out of the stocking!

The power in us all

I've been doing a fair bit of thinking recently, about my long (often uphill) journey through the last couple of years from the original 'fat lass' to where I am right now. That, by the way, is a pound up from last week, so the scales are dead on the ten stone mark again. I'm not sweating this though, as last week was quite heavy on the celebration meals and I expected a little rise. However hard I tried to be as sensible as possible I still ate things I would normally avoid and more than I would eat usually. Still, ten stone is much more comfortable a place than sixteen stone used to be! Anyway, enough of that.

I know I've said something similar in the past, but it's high time I mentioned again how very grateful I have been to read comments from other bloggers which support or comfort me. And it's also been so amazingly helpful to stumble across little bits 'n bobs in other people's posts - people who are trying (and usually succeeding) to lose weight, or those who have been there, done it, got the tee-shirt and now wear a new one a size or two (or more!) smaller.

I'd say that, ninety nine times out of a hundred, these useful snippets don't take the form of 'you must do x, y or z and you'll lose lbs' but are throw-away comments which reveal what the writer happens to be doing and why they find it helpful.

Of course, I haven't tried out every single suggestion I've seen, but I have incorporated quite a few little hints and tips along the way into my plan for a new 'me'. Things like relatively insignificant (but still invaluable) ways to increase the amount exercise I do or healthy substitute foods to try out, to help to kill off the desire to nibble (or worse). Generally, these take the shape of good common sense ideas, but ones I hadn't ever thought of for myself.

The most valuable snippets, in some ways, have included the things which made me realise that my struggles are not unique. Showing me that I wasn't a complete oddball for what I was feeling or experiencing... just pretty normal really. These posts may have related incidents that made me think 'oh yeah, that's right', or things which helped to motivate (or re-motivate) me, or they may just have explained the everyday struggles the writer was going through which mirrored my own.

So I offer a heartfelt 'thank you' to all you unsung heroes out there who have helped me without ever knowing you were doing it, as well as to those of you who have sent me support via the comments. Thank you! And I send the biggest 'thanks' to my darling lovely hubby for putting up with every up and down along the way, and helping me more than he'll ever realise.

But I'd like to highlight one other thing, and it's something I've read many, many times in other people's posts but am only now finally beginning to understand properly and truly believe in. It's worth repeating.

...it is that WE each hold the power to change our lives, to embark upon, and stay on, the journey to reach where (and who) we really want to be. It is in each and every one of us. We are the only people who can truly shape our own lives and we are the ones in control of our destiny, whether that means success or failure. Others can help along the way, either directly or by offering up the sort of snippets I've been talking about, but only we can accept or decline that assistance and take action to make the changes we want to see.

I may be a bit dumb at times, but it took me a looong, long time (and many failed diets) to come to this acceptance. For a long time, a little part of me still wanted to blame someone, anyone, for the physical and emotional mess I had got into and it took quite some time for me to see that the 'someone' was only ever me. I've still not quite figured out why I was so unable/unwilling to take it on board. As I say, it took me a long time.

But I eventually 'got it' and took charge of my life making some decisions that, along with the snippets and help, initiated the changes I had to make to get where I am now. I don't regret it.

I recently read a short passage in 'The Secret Life of Bees' which really brought this acceptance of 'it's down to me' home once again.

A supporting character, August Boatwright, talks to Lily, the central character, about the power she can find in herself (in the book, she relates this to the Mary in Chains figure). August says 'You don't have to put your hand on Mary's heart to get strength and consolation and rescue, and all the other things you need to get through life... you can place it right here on your own heart. Your own heart.'

She goes on to say 'When you're unsure of yourself,... when you start pulling back into doubt, she's the one saying "Get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are." She's the power inside you, understand?'

So why not join me and tap into the power that's there inside yourself and make the changes you want to see in 2010? Who knows, if you do, it could be your best year ever.