07 November 2013

Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid

Doh! For an allegedly bright woman you really are a silly mare sometimes.

The penny has finally dropped and I've just realised what I've been doing to myself for the last week or so. Grrr, I can't believe I managed to fall into this age-old trap again.

I've been a bit low (emotionally) for a while - but it's been particularly noticeable since we came back from our break. I'm slightly irritable (understatement), a tad more tearful than I had been and generally feeling 'not myself'.

My darling lovely hubby keeps reminding me that it's to be expected (even normal to a degree), having lost Mum only a matter of months ago and finding myself in the run up to the b**dy festive season, but I'm still struggling with it... a lot, actually. Part of the problem is, I suppose, that I feel like I 'ought' to be coping better.

But, setting this aside, it's no wonder I've felt fat, and bloaty all week, and no wonder my work trousers feel tighter and vaguely uncomfortable. No wonder too that I've felt like a pile of c**p - sleeping poorly and with a sort of daily low-level off-colour/achy/headachy feeling. My temperature regulation has gone up the Swanee too - chilly one minute, hot the next. Heck, I've been tired and run down for days now. I'd put this down to fighting some nebulous and persistent little 'bug', and it was indeed probably partly that, but not entirely!

I must confess that my daily exercise plans have headed out of the window too, which won't have helped matters - and I'd say that's been a direct result of my feeling so utterly 'bleh'. Even the walking has taken a hit. Oh my, of this I'm not proud.

I don't actually know as yet (er, I haven't been brave and hopped onto the scales out of a general sense of 'worry'), but am guessing I may be in for a nasty surprise (hmmm, just 'rise' will cover it) when I weigh at the weekend.

And my heinous crime has been...?

I've been going salt crazy. Oh Lord, clean eatin', this ain't!

Haven't done it for ages, but I've found myself adding it to my meals (breakfasts, lunches and dinners) in larger than 'usual' amounts... all because I like the taste. OK, if I'm honest, it's also because I love the crunch of those gorgeous Maldon flakes too. My snack almonds have been salted this week, rather than my usual raw ones (they were cheaper so it seemed like a good idea at the time). I've been eating more olives every day - brined ones, of course. I've had Marmite almost every day, as the 'tasty' part of my lunchtime yoghurt dip too... which is? You got it. Salty!

Know what else this nonsense has done for me? Meant I've probably, nay undoubtedly, eaten more than usual. Oooh yeah, as I've also fallen into the second trap of thinking I'm hungry when I was actually just thirsty... so I've nibbled and munched. Maybe not a huge amount at any one time, but even so - too much is too much. Double whammy, eh? Oh dear, that anticipated weight gain is looking more and more likely!

Do me a favour. Just turn away for a moment now while the fat lass vents her spleen at her own blithering stupidity, swears like a trooper and screams to get it out of her system!

Hmmm, that's better. OK, now I can see what a dozy critter I've been it's time to haul this poor abused system back on track. Let's make a start by hitting the water. Let's get a grip and reduce that salt. Let's get moving and start up the exercise again... even if you do still feel like a run-over (salty) dog.

Onwards ever...


Nikki said...

You've realised what's happening and you've got a plan to get back on track!

There's no timetable when it comes to dealing with grief and the emotional stress that goes with it. Be kind to yourself Deniz.

Deniz said...

Thanks Nikki - that's really appreciated.

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