05 July 2013

Life may not be fair...

...but it's the only one we're going to live.

I particularly need to remember that and make the best of it... and be sure to count my blessings every day. Just at the moment, this is turning into a pretty constant mantra for me as I find myself struggling to deal with life's various worries and crises.

Heck, that sounds pretty 'down', doesn't it, but I'm not going to moan - I am doing my utmost to stay positive, look at things practically and not let those lurking blue meanies get a grip. But why is this necessary, you may ask.

My main worry is for my poor sweet Mum. We've just found out that, after the fall a couple of months ago and subsequent problems, she won't be able to return to her own home. Her physical condition has deteriorated to quite a degree, she's unlikely to improve hugely, and she now needs round-the-clock care. This physical set-back has also led to a slowing in mental acuity.

Getting old just isn't nice. She always did say that 'old age doesn't come alone' and often added the rider that she wasn't too keen on it's choice of friends! Perceptive, wasn't she, my Mum.

Whilst all of this isn't a particular surprise (in fact I was getting scared about the prospect of her going back home and being alone for most of the time) there's a lot for us kids to plan and organise for her... and at a distance! Then factor-in that our family's 'communication' record isn't the best... which makes it all so much more difficult.

Crucially though, this will be a massive change for poor Mum to adjust to. She's SO wanted to go home and it just can't happen now. She's going to need all of our support and help and this will require us to set aside our various baggage and differences and focus purely on her needs. Easily enough said... rather harder to get active co-operation from all concerned.

The real shame of it is that where she is right now is fantastic - she couldn't have better, more empathetic, personal and caring support, from all of the lovely staff there... but she can't stay there as it's only a short-term rehabilitation unit. We HAVE to move her and put her through the whole readjustment period once again and, to be honest, wherever she moves to will really have their work cut out to live up to current standards.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I absolutely HATE living so far away from her. I desperately want to do more for her and have to fight the feeling of 'failing' her somehow on a pretty regular basis. Sure when I consider this logically, I know there are many, many people in similar situations, dealing with the self-same concerns but... this is happening to MY Mum, and to me she's the most special lady in the world.

Of similar concern is a new health issue for my darling lovely hubby - oooh, what great timing, huh? I won't go into the detail, but he had surgery for this very darned thing about four years ago and the problem has raised its ugly head again. It's returned with a vengeance and, this time, it hasn't progressed slowly but has accelerated quite rapidly from a minor niggle into a fairly major worry. He's been referred to a specialist and I'm sort of holding my breath at the moment. I'm on tenterhooks about the appointment, and living in hope for a good outcome.

All of this 'stuff' has an impact way beyond the obvious stresses. Sleep is not a given these days. Regular exercise has been hit quite hard as we're travelling across the country pretty regularly and this means we are both dog-tired. I have been trying to keep up with some of it, at least, but my best-made plans don't always come off! Meals have been a whole lot less 'sensible' than we'd like too, for all we try to eat well and healthily. To be quite frank, supermarket picnics eaten in the car during the long journeys are beginning to lose their appeal!

The good news is that having gone low-carb, and been eating this way for quite some time, helps a lot. Really, really, really helps! I truly thank heavens for a low-carb lifestyle as I'd be sunk without the help it gives me. You see, there are days when I feel quite overwhelmed and could easily dive into a comfort-food-fest and stuff my face until I burst.

But, even on particularly 'bad' days (like Wednesday, after we found out about Mum) when I find myself reacting to the latest stress point and standing in front of a vending machine with a coin in my hand... everything inside, however prettily packaged in shiny wrappers, looks like inedible sugary crap. I honestly don't want any of it - even though I'm desperately craving 'something'. Strange eh?

What I have had to do though, is strictly limit the snacks I keep available to me at work - even the 'good' snacks like nuts, for example. Eating too much, or rather mindless emotional eating which leads to eating too much and which I obviously have not managed to conquer, is a potential problem. Low-carb or no, I could still find it all too easy to munch my way to oblivion.

So far, my weight remains around 55kg - a wee bit higher than my 54kg 'happy' number, but not too bad... considering. It's still very much a learning process, this maintenance business, and the review, adjust, adapt cycle is on-going. But I'm happy to keep at it as it keeps me from throwing away the years of hard work to get where I am with my weight and health. Er, stating the obvious I may be, but gaining weight right now would NOT help this fat lass.

So, a few of my blessings for today:
  • The sun is shining and the sky is blue.
  • The river looked lovely on my way to work.
  • I'm still strong, healthy and (mostly) happy.
  • I have a wonderful lovely hubby, a fabulous sister and brother-in-law and the best Mum in the world.


Chrissie said...

What a horrible time you're having, I'm so sorry about your mum and hubby, and everything happening at once like that. It sounds like you are handling things as well as anyone could, and I know you and your family will get through it all - especially as it sounds like you're all there for each other (in spirit if not geographically)
I hope the situation gets sorted out soon, stay strong!

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