01 October 2008

A bit of a puzzler

Alright, let's get this out in the open. I did it again this morning... purely in the interests of a proper scientific approach of course, I got back on the scales.

Today, they read just a shade under 76kg, shading towards the 75.5kg mark. Ho hum, the fat lass ponders - don't think I've suddenly dropped any flab overnight. I certainly haven't noticed any blobs lying around on the floor. Perhaps I peed more than usual? Hell, I don't know.

Domestic scales - must look up just how variable the things are and maybe stop believing them to be accurate in any way, shape or form. Three different readings over three days. Doesn't sound awfully accurate to me anymore.

Why does all this stuff matter? Well, it's because I'm having a 'fat' day. You know, one of those days where you just can't see or truly believe that you are any less of a balloon than when you started this whole weight-loss journey. You feel like a semi-mobile lump of blubber, jammed into your clothes looking awful (like a sack of pooh tied at the middle), and with your confidence levels firmly stuffed into your boots. Yep, that's me today.

I have no clear idea why this is happening. It wasn't a great start to the morning (including a rotten journey in) and things at work are a bit fraught too - don't even mention email! Even the daily exercises didn't lift my spirits this morning and I took little pleasure from my walk. The sky is blue outside, but so I am here inside. I'm probably a bit tired and it may be coming up to 'that time'. I suppose that may contribute to my feeling a bit tearful and generally crappy.

I'm craving 'something nice', but have no idea what that means so can't think what to do to turn it off. I really do not fancy my usual break-time apple and the cottage cheese and veggies I brought for lunch just don't look appealing any more. My brain isn't working at full speed today and I'm not thinking clearly at all.


I've eaten my lunch (it wasn't bad, just not what I was craving), and the work worries have calmed a little. I'm still feeling a bit down but not as bad as earlier. I think a hug from lovely hubby should put me right this evening. I still want 'something nice' - just don't let me anywhere near chocolate!

And, I've found a way to convince myself that things really have changed. This was me summer 2006. Even I can see that I do look a bit different now.


based on a design by suckmylolly.com