What a fantastic start to my day

My lovely hubby just made my morning. As I was about to leave for work, he said I looked 'shapely'. Then he revised it to 'sexy shapely'!

All I could think was wow! I was a bit stunned as I can't actually remember anyone ever calling me shapely before. And sexy? Huh? To my shame, I didn't accept my darling's compliment gracefully, but made a joke about having been shapely before - just a rather odd shape.

You see, to me it's kind of funny as in my eyes I'm still a lump, even though I 'know' (logically) that I've got to have changed shape a lot as I've now lost around four and a half stone. But, I still have a lot of excess belly fat (which I hate and which gravity helps to accentuate) overlying the muscle that is gradually developing and, when I look in the mirror (have to admit, I try not to do this too much!), the places where some of the old flab resided e.g. torso/thighs/upper arms/etc. are now looking rather wrinkly and saggy baggy. Sophie Dahl I definitely ain't.

But how wonderful it is that the most important person in my world a) thinks I'm shapely, and b) tells me. I know I'll never be a conventional 'beautifully shaped' woman. I don't have the height, bone structure, youth or toning - and I am still rather larger than I ought to be. But it is another step to seeing 'me' as something to be proud of, inside and out.

Thank you my darling.

Craving busters

Hmmm, I'm not sure if this is a good idea long-term, but I'll share it anyway and let you know if I change my mind.

Even given my porridge breakfasts, which I love but which don't keep me full all morning, I've struggled recently with a 'fake hunger' or odd cravings mid- to late-morning and found it quite hard to keep myself on track. I'm not at all happy about this as it threatens to derail the progress I've made or, at best, slow down the progress I'm making at the moment. So I've given it some thought, and identified a couple of things that may help me to kick those dreaded 'I want something nice, and I want it right now' cravings right where they hurt.

For me, something which is definitely strongly flavoured and usually not too sweet is where my cravings want to take me. So, apart from those 'want chocolate' days (which are generally time of month related and for which I haven't found a good substitute... yet!) something savoury and/or salty is often what I would naturally gravitate towards. This puts the dreaded crisps and savoury snacks (especially the stronger flavoured ones, like garlic or chilli) and salted nuts firmly in the frame - and they're not a good choice. Why? Well, what do they generally have, other than strong flavours and salt? Loads of fats, so loads of calories (often well in excess of 500kcal per 100g), and once you start off with 'just one' from a packet, the rest seem to evaporate!

So what should I choose that will satisfy the cravings, that I can eat only a little of at one time, that isn't excessively high in calories (although if can only eat a little and be satisfied, this is up for negotiation) and is readily available so that I can keep a little stock at work?

My two (proposed) craving busters are:

Single salt liquorice (either Belgian or Dutch ones are good)
Like these Belgian ones

These weigh in at about 300kcal per 100g, and 100g gives you in the region of 32 or 33 of the little lozenge-shaped beauties, so around 9kcal per lozenge. The best ones are the harder type - the softer ones disappear far too fast. With the harder ones I cannot generally eat more than two in one session!

Dark chocolate covered coffee beans
Like the ones from Caffe Nero (sorry chaps, can't find a way to include the accent!)

These weigh in at about 469kcal per 100g so don't sound quite such a good idea, but they are sold in little 25g boxes, with around 18 or 19 beans inside. This makes them about 6.5kcal per bean, and I can usually stop myself after three or four.

OK, these aren't really savoury, but they aren't sweet either. Given the bit of a chocolate coating, these may also combat the 'want chocolate' cravings - watch this space.

Add to this, my old favourites of herbal teas, fruit and Ryvita, and you never know, I might just be on to something. Maybe it's time to go shopping?

This fits in with a number of my original 'rules of engagement', which were to:

• think before I eat - make active choices, not just follow old habits
• eat much more slowly and take time to enjoy the food in front of me
• eat only what I'm actually enjoying (not liking it = leave it)
• reduce the portions I dish up (get a smaller plate)
• choose with common sense - swap high fat foods with healthier options (same goes for sugars)
• cut down on the salt I'm eating (by a lot!)
• cut down the alcohol I drink each week (and increase my water intake)
• drink fruit teas more often
• increase the amount of fruit and veg I eat - I like the stuff for heaven's sake!
• pick some really nice fruit for those little snacks, not crisps or biscuits

Food budgetting

I've been reading recent posts from both Lynn at Escape from Obesity about her monthly calorie budget and Diana at Scale Junkie about her weekly zigzag eating and the more I think about it, this is pretty much what I have been doing for some time. And you know what? It works.

Proof? After the holiday weight gain and one or two 'dodgy' days since, I've pulled myself back to being sensible, and made up a bit for the various excesses. I'm now down to 73.5kg and that feels good.

Unlike Lynn and Diana (both of whom I admire enormously) I didn't sit down and make a carefully reasoned decision to follow this approach, it simply seems a logical thing to do, so that's what I've somehow slotted into doing. That probably says a lot about the two ladies that they both think so much more carefully about this whole process than I do, but I guess I'm too grey-haired to change about me that too.

The general idea is this - if you eat 'so much' on Monday and think that was too much, then cut down on Tuesday. If you know that on Saturday it'll be hard to keep the food intake to a reasonable level, then take it easy for a couple of days beforehand. OK, I know that's not exactly the approach Diana is taking, but it's pretty close. Overall, in a week or a month (or whatever timescale you use) you'll consume on average the number of calories that is right for your sustained weight loss. It's that phrase 'on average' that's the key. Easy, huh? Do the sums.

It certainly makes a whole lot more sense to my mind than the slavish insistence that 'I can eat only X calories today' approach, with all the attendant dangers of beating yourself up desperately when you find you've ingested some 30, or 50, or even 500 calories more in a given day than you are 'allowed' to do. Let's face it, we are almost always better at handing ourselves brickbats than bouquets!

A bit of flexibility, and recognising that we are all capable of making healthy, adult decisions? Yep, that works for me. We are all intelligent people, just people with accumulated flab that we are working to shift. We do not need to follow a horribly prescriptive regime to reach our goals - after all, we are the ones who make the daily choices and we are the people in control of our own waistlines. This concept probably won't make the best-seller diet books list, but what the hell - I don't read them anyway.

As I've said before, the blog posts from the two ladies are great and I really admire them both, for their honesty about the trials and tribulations they face (and which we all share from time to time) and for keeping on keeping on. So, a final thought to share - pooh on those people who tell Lynn that her way isn't a good one (stupid? I don't think so!), and a message to them both - good on ya, gals!

Dodgy days - Part 2

So much for my plans and positive words yesterday. Still, as my Dad used to say when I was a nipper, "worse things happen at sea". Don't ask me why.

Today I've felt like I'm starving - permanently. That is, I've felt hungry enough to devour an elephant, nibble by elegant nibble, except with the way I've been feeling I'd probably have gobbled not nibbled! A bowl of porridge didn't stand an earthly of keeping me feeling full today I'm afraid. I ended up eating my apple early (er, actually very early - by just after 9 o'clock) and then munched a low-fat seedy bar thingy with a cuppa at 10 ish. Oh no - still hungry.

Maybe I needed to drink another cup of herbal tea or something warming, just to keep my grumbling tum to a minimum decibel level? Tried that. Didn't work.

I think it has had a lot to do with feeling generally tired, down and bluesy, and a bit under the weather today - almost like I'm starting a cold, but not quite. I guess this isn't helped much by my having had one of those 'difficult' days at work. Not that this is anything like a good honest excuse for what I did though.

I ate my lunch - that crispy, flavoursome tuna salad (with no dressing) that I mentioned yesterday and followed it with a low-fat yoghurt. Yeah, great, lovely, fine, healthy and all that - but I was still ravenous. Couldn't even contemplate a soup-in-a-cup after the last time so what could I eat now? Hmmm, the canteen was closed. No more fruit about, no low-fat seedy bars left, nothing like Ryvita to be had, not even any dried fruit in my drawer. But I wanted something, and I wanted it NOW.

This is a serious learning point for me - I must keep my emergency 'snack attack' supplies in place. That means my work fruit bowl properly topped up with apples and oranges - even when I know I'll be out for a few days, and dried berries in my drawer. A box of Ryvita is always a good plan too. But I let it all run down to nothing and, today, found myself in deep doo-doo.

So, how did I solve my 'need to eat' problem? I did the bad thing, of course, and went to the vending machine with a £1 coin. The intent was to pick up a bag of Quavers. Not a great choice, I know, but lower in calories than most of the rest of the stuff on sale. But I didn't get Quavers as the darned machine didn't have any! Just not my day, is it?

I carefully selected a bag of Frazzles instead. OK, that's still not too bad at 112 kcal, I guess, not as low-cal as Quavers but far less high in fats and calories than the other crisps on offer. Loads of salt, of course, but hey - I'll drink plenty of water.

If only I had stopped right there. You see, I also got change back from my £1. There it was, in my hand, just the right amount for a chocolate bar. You know what's coming don't you?

Yep, you guessed it. Mea culpa, the fat lass confesses, I also ate the chocolate bar (a Cadbury's Twirl, weighing in at 230 kcal) and do you know what? I enjoyed every last tinsey teeny tiny morsel. It hit that 'hunger' spot dead centre.

For once, I'm not going to feel too bad about it either and I won't beat myself up over my 'sins'. It has shut up that hunger completely and I'm actually in a far better frame of mind than I was early today. The overall damage isn't that awful and I will just make sure I'm especially careful for the next couple of days. Biscuit avoidance tactics coming right up!

Good days... phew!

On Monday, when the scales told me I was back up to 75kg I decided to get myself motivated and try very hard this week. I want to see that needle moving in the right direction before I see the dietician in around three weeks time. So far, not too bad.

So, Monday's breakfast was porridge (made with 60:40 water and skimmed milk), then it was fruit and a small portion of muesli during the day (semi-skimmed milk as I couldn't get skimmed, but not too much). Finally, a little bowl of spaghetti and tomato sauce for dinner. Said 'no' to a glass of wine. Did my walking, my Chi Kung class for an hour (even though the walk there was horrid in the wind and rain) and all my physio exercises, like a good fat lass.

Today so far has been porridge again for breakfast - I really do love it. I have a few bits of fruit and a tuna salad (no dressing) for lunch and I'm on a promise of one of hubby's soups tonight [mental note - must buy some bread!]. The physio stuff went OK this morning, I've walked a bit already and will do some more later. The needle on the scale had twitched slightly downwards to just under the 75 line when I stood on them this morning. Not awfully scientific, I know, but it's made me feel better.

Tomorrow is all planned out with more porridge and another tuna salad. So far, so good, eh?

Thursday is when I have to begin to be really careful as it's another training day (one of two), and I'm out for a Thai meal in the evening. Wish me luck with those biscuits!