24 June 2014

Fabulous news!

After all the angst and delays, at last I have my darling Mum's wedding ring back from the jeweller, incorporated into a beautiful new 'modern' design band, set with diamonds. It looks a little bit similar to the picture (by the same jeweller), but not quite the same as mine has a more rounded-triangular profile than a traditional D-shaped, half-circle one (sounds awful but it's gorgeous) and it's set with sixteen beautiful little warm brown 'cognac' diamonds in the platinum. Think of the big cat family and the strikingly lovely spots on their plush furry coats.

The inner surface of the ring is actually formed by my Mum's ring, and you can see the contrasting gold supporting the platinum as you look at the ring from the side. So now, for the rest of my days, I will carry a little bit of my Mum and Dad with me, right next to my skin.

I am so happy I could burst, and I'll be both delighted and proud to wear it.

Weight and food are doing well at the moment and I'm quite happy with both. Excercise? Oh dear and darn it, it's not so good as I've 'done something' to my dodgy knee so am limping, wincing and using diclofenac painkiller gel just to keep going.

13 June 2014

A thought for today...

...and a small sense of pride?

To move on from the motivational slogan, which I think is just great... here's to renewed starts.

OK, I know they say that pride goes before a fall, but I'm going to hold on hard to this smidge-idgen of pride for now, cross every finger behind my back and hope that the fall isn't waiting out there for me.

It's been a challenging few weeks. Actually, it feels like it's been a whole lot longer than 'weeks', but let's just stick with this for now. There's been a lot going on at work, and also at home. For whatever reason I've been tired for quite a lot of the time, slightly (and at times, very) stressed and, as lovely hubby could doubtless confirm, pretty darned sensitive for most of it. I haven't exactly slept well either, which is never good for this fat lass.

But, since my faux pas at the end of May (that dark chocolate inhalation incident) I have been trying hard to divorce feelings and food. Or, should I say, I've been trying to analyse the 'why' behind wanting to eat when I encounter one of those 'gimme a treat, now!' moments.

If it's been 'real' hunger (a tip to remember, fat lass - your tummy actually does rumble and growl when you're really hungry!) then I've eaten something from my carefully and thoughtfully pre-prepared lunch or snack boxes, and eaten it mindfully. However, if it's been an emotion-driven 'want', then I've looked at what's brought me here (grief, anger, sadness, boredom, frustration, feeling out of control or out of my depth, or whatever it's been) and, thank the Lord, I've managed to talk myself out of stuffing my face. Usually by making a cuppa, or drinking some water, or getting up and away from what I'm in the midst of and distracting myself.

It's been going pretty well, so I decided to test my resolve a bit harder and add a little 'trial by treat' to the mix. So, I did a little shopping on Monday. Above my desk there's a jar of almond butter, and in my desk another bar of 90% chocolate. Despite a difficult week (again!), to date, both of these remain unopened!

I have no idea what effect (if any) this has had on weight - that hasn't been the point of this exercise. What I'm figuring my way through is the emotional eating side of things... once again.

Yes, I've been here and done it before, and yes, I thought I had it cracked. Obviously I hadn't (hence the brother-related chocolate binge), so it's been a case of get back to the drawing board and do what has paid off for me in the past.   

So, in contrast to the cartoon (which made me giggle), maybe old dogs like me can learn a few new tricks... but they'd sure as heck better keep on practicing them because even though 'learned', they are just as soon forgotten.

Onwards, wearily but quietly proudly, ever...

09 June 2014


I guess I haven't been around here much for a while, mentally that is. I have been reading your posts (honest) but haven't even commented very much - sorry chaps. School report says 'must try harder'. You see, life has been giving out handfuls of Mixtures... and they've not really been those of the Dolly kind

Enough of the sweeties references, and let's get Led Zeppelin out of my system too - pardon me while I launch into a (badly sung) version of Good Times, Bad Times...

Hey, you know I've had my share! And, here they still are, oscillating from 'things are great' to 'stuff is crappy', repeat, repeat, repeat. I won't bore anyone with the gory details, but there have been/still are one or two greyish clouds on my personal horizon and, hard as I try to look only on the bright side of life, I've found I'm mired in a frettin' and a worryin' mode again.

When I do manage to drag myself up short to act like a grown-up for a moment, and take that 'oh so tricky' step back to look at this logically, I guess what I'm talking about here is actually a very normal part of life. OK, sure, but it doesn't stop me feeling down and frustrated and cross and a million other negative mind-set adjectives when I'm in the crappy phase.

Worse still, do you know what, after all the years of watching my food intake (quantity and quality!) during those inevitable low times, it STILL catches me out now and again. In fact, it just did - good and proper. Friday before last was the culmination of a not too great week and then something (brother related) happened which tipped me over the edge.

When life and the fat lass are not travelling peacefully along the rosy road, even now I find I want to dive headfirst into a pile of... er, pretty much anything edible to be honest. Just over a week ago this was signalled by descent into the Black Dog miseries and the rapid inhalation of (heck, I can't call it eating!) a complete bar... er yes, I did indeed say 'complete' bar... of 90% dark chocolate! Wait a minute, I thought you weren't supposed to be able to eat much of that stuff. What do you know - wrong, so very wrong!

Comfort eating it was, pure and simple, even though I KNOW full well (and knew full well at the time) that it isn't the answer. Proud of 'me' I was not as, surprise, surprise, the fat lass turned all 'fancy hungry' again and proceeded to give in to her inner brat. Janey Mac! This is crazy beyond words. Why don't I seem to be able to learn? Am I really 'that' old a dog and is this a trick truly beyond me?

Last week wasn't the best either and stoopid 'sibling' stress nearly got me again. So, that's the bad news. Oh, the good part...?

Well, my weight did spike briefly upwards but, after a much more sensible week last week (puttin' in the effort to make darned sure of it, my dears!), the scales returned to situation normal after a fairly short time. Call me lucky, though - had I not realised where this was heading and applied the brakes with a very firm foot it could so easily have been the start of something none too positive.

When I sheepishly confessed my chocolatey sins to lovely hubby on that Friday evening I didn't get quite the reaction I'd bargained for... which was really sweet in one way but also made me feel even more of a dolt. He just said it could have been worse, at least it was a 'relatively' low-carb sin.

That has made me think though. And what is in my head is actually cause for celebration.

Coincidentally, Mrs Swan just posted something about life being harder in stressful times without her old props, having to face up to certain feelings meaning that she 'feels' the sadness more often, and then goes on to talk about the fact that she's overcome/is getting through this 'sads' period anyhow and not eaten her way out of  things. Whether she recognises it yet, what a star she is!

And the overcoming part applies to me too. Yes, I struggled with some stressful news and I fell (leapt?) off the wagon. But it was a relatively short hop and I quickly saw what had happened and got back on track. That has to be down to changing to a low-carb, ketogenic lifestyle. If that isn't a blessing to be counted (yes, I'm still trying to live up to your ways, my lovely Mum) I don't know what is.

Onwards, ever...

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