19 December 2012
Now I've got that off my chest I'll confess that although I'm feeling a little 'funny' right now, I think I'm probably secretly pleased for the most part. However I'm also cringeing a little. And the cause of this apparent duality is...?
Comments and compliments. Oooh er, missus, but there've been a few in the last week or so, and it's all because 'stuff' has been happening at work where I knew I'll be running around, shifting things and getting generally grubby (make that filthy dirty!). So I've come in to work wearing jeans - a most unusual event.
Now I may be 53 years young, but I'm an old-school sort of gal. My jeans (now I can wear such wondrous things again) are usually kept just for 'me' time and are, er... closely fitting, for want of a better way to put it. That is, they show my shape pretty clearly. Quite unlike my customary nice 'respectable' work trousers which, being 'comfortable' as well as smart, leave everything to the imagination thank you very much!
So, running around in uncommon attire in the workplace just recently has generated a few comments. For the main, these have been positive, although one person did hint a bit and sort of ask in a roundabout way if I might be 'unwell' as I'd "got so thin" recently - although I haven't actually changed much in ages and the way I've been rushing about recently is surely testament to my fitness, no?
But the truly cringe-making remark stemmed from a chap who told me I looked like "a young girl" which was nice of him I guess, but who then proceeded to shoot himself in the foot and tell me that he "liked little girls". Sorry folks but that, even if said in jest, gave me the heebie-jeebies. Shudder!
Even setting that rather dodgy, er, 'compliment' aside, I'm finding it quite an uncomfortable thing to have the people I work with passing judgement (even positive judgement) on my appearance. OK, I'm used to being judged on my ability to do my job, but my looks? That's a horse of quite another colour! Hmmm, doesn't make me feel even slightly relaxed. In fact, it stresses me out quite a lot.
Is this just a confidence thing though, or could it maybe be a throwback to the days when I'd do anything to hide my obesity from comment? Those dark old 'don't look at me' days when I hid in drab, baggy clothes may be gone, but are sure as heck not, methinks, forgotten. So which is it? Not sure if I know to be honest.
How do other people feel when remarks about personal appearance come your way? Does what is said make a difference, and does it matter who says it? Do you revel in compliments, or do you (like me) feel quite unsettled?