03 December 2012

Riding for a fall...?

Hmmm, I'm very much hoping this won't be the case, but my periodic nemesis (my dark 'black dog' mood) has taken a firm hold on me at the moment and I'm guessing it wouldn't take too much for me to find myself in danger of saying 'oh stuff it' (or similar) and start comfort eating. I'm on my guard for this, but it feels like a shaky position to be in at the moment.

I'm at a bit of a loss here as I can't quite see why this has happened and why my mindset has turned around like this. If I think about it logically, it seems like I've had pretty decent a run of positives and good news lately, so to find myself derailed is something I don't quite 'get'.

I'm feeling put upon and tired and have not been sleeping properly, with bad dreams or intrusive thoughts to disturb me. Right now, it doesn't seem worth the effort to 'do' anything much, and things seem a bit pointless and meaningless.It may be down to the tiredness but it also feels like I'm probably fighting a rearguard action against a bit of a bug - nothing major, and it isn't developing into anything, but I can't quite seem to shake it off.

However, none of this should be enough to make me feel so utterly down. Silly I know, but I'm tearful and touchy and wallowing in the 'poor me' zone. Silly indeed, but... that's where I am right now.

I'm trying to force myself to use my usual 'fixes' of fresh air, music, etc., but this only seems to bring a temporary lift, then I'm back to 'down' again. If I'm honest, I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all.
For once, with a sense of resignation, I'll say, onwards, ever...


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