Yesterday

That much-needed mental kick in the pants helped.

Ticked off 1), 2), 3) and 4), and planning on more of the same today.

Getting a grip!

Right fat lass. It's all very well recognising that you are struggling, but it simply isn't enough. Monday morning dawns again and it's time to realise that all the moaning and mithering in the world never did you any good, so you just need to get on with it and DO what you know is the right thing for your health, and that's mental as well as physical wellbeing. 

Yep, life is uncertain (sure, it's a bowl of cherries - just don't forget that cherries come complete with hard stones to break the odd tooth), and it's unsettled and a tad scary right now, but worrying will not help worth a damn.

All it does is allow that sneaky flea-ridden black dog the opportunity to settle down on the sofa and make himself at home... and he is not a welcome house guest!

So, what are you going to do about it, eh? Make a plan, and start putting the plan into action today. So, to the plan:

1) Drink more water (yes, I know it's harder when the weather is still not warm but just do it!)
2) Get out there and w-a-l-k... every single day! Then once the breathing is a bit easier (and it WILL improve), get back on the rower.
3) Choose what you eat with good sense, stick to your choices and be mindful when you eat. Make time, and savour those textures and flavours.
4) Take note of the good stuff - yes, those blessings. Make time to SEE them, and properly recognise them for the positive things they are.

You're not in a bad place, it's a great place to be. The weight, although back up to where I was before the bug bit, is apparently stable at 54kg. So, let's make sure it doesn't increase. Do the right thing now and you won't have to undo any damage once it's happened.

Oh, did you say cherries?

Struggles

Dammit, I really have no reason whatsoever to be struggling... but somehow I am. Things at work are not exactly sweetness and light at the moment and I'm seriously short on patience... hence the tee-shirt image.

Try as I may, I'm just not making the grade at the moment. I'm extremely grumpy, and also quite down - to the point of being teary. Blasted black dog is definitely on the prowl. A whole raft of nebulous worries (about all sorts of things) seem to be my lot at the moment too. Doing 'something' about it though... er, that's not really happening.

In part, this is because I've still got precious little energy (I'm constantly tired and still coughing) and have practically no stamina so, apart from a bit of walking, the exercise plans are still just that - vague 'someday' plans. Having lost a load of weight while ill, I now find myself starving of the hunger a lot of the time so capable of munching for England. While initially happy for a bit of a gain back, I am getting worried that things could get right out of hand unless I curb this desire to eat... anything and everything.

I need to get a grip, to get out of this dark mindset and see the positives. They ARE there. Remember, fat lass, your lovely Mum knew that all too well, so look out (actively!) for those blessings.

On this basis, I read a quote somewhere which said something along the lines of "if you are struggling at least you are still trying". I guess that is, at least, a small silver lining. Ah well, onwards ever...

Solar eclipse...

Sadly, this (and no, it isn't a photo) is about the best we managed here. So cloudy and overcast that it went from grey... to slightly darker grey... then got a bit lighter again.

Can't help being rather disappointed. Ho hum. That's all folks.

Hmmm, how interesting...

Well there, it seems that plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, as Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr would say, is pretty much spot on.

In an idle moment (a deliberately 'stolen' one) I had a wander through some old posts to look back at what happened to this fat lass in March of previous years. Some years were a bit stressful, it seems, but then I came across a post from 2010 - goodness, that's five whole years ago! Take a look here.

Do you know, I am mildly amazed to think that what I said about there being two of me back then is just as true today. Yep, it's still a case of the logical, in control, adult 'me' occasionally having to go into battle to combat the odd resurgence of the childish fat lass. Maybe, though, the habit has become just a little more ingrained and easier to accomplish?

Yesterday was a case in point, and when I consider how the day went I think that quite a lot of that uncertainty was fat lass (can I have a treat now) type behaviour. I'm pretty pleased to realise that 'me' seems to have kept the upper hand and been able to shrug her off with 'whatever', even without really knowing it.

Progress?

Indecision

Ever have days like this?

Am I hungry? Am I just bored? Do I want cheese? Do I want meat? Do I want yoghurt? Do I just want to go for a walk? Do I want to read a book?

Hell, I don't know.

Does nothing and mutters 'whatever'!

Climbing back... slowly

Well folks, that little spurt of 'hey, let's be positive' didn't see me through very far. By Monday evening last week that chesty man-flu had developed into a full-blown chest infection and as if that's not bad enough, it has cheerfully kicked off my (previously quiescent) asthma. Hell, talk about being steamrollered!

So, the fat lass was a good, dutiful girl and went along to see her GP midweek. Came away with a bag of drugs and I've been on antibiotics and inhalers ever since. At least I haven't needed the steroids he also prescribed... not yet anyhow.

I can't say I remember a great amount about last week... other than coughing and other negative things. When I could raise the energy, I was very peeved to have been put back on the inhalers as it's been such a source of pride to me that I haven't needed them, after so many years. But, you know what they say about pride, eh?

I couldn't really complain though - having checked my peak flow (in between coughing bouts) it had dropped from my usual c.450 litres per minute to just a shade under 300. Not good, so just as well to enlist a little assistance. And the good news is that the medication is helping.

So here we are again. Another Monday morning back at work, catching up (or trying to) on a shed-load of missed 'work stuff', still feeling like a wrung out dish-rag, but at least I'm definitely on the mend.

What's really surprised me was getting on the scale to find I'd dropped so much weight - not all that far away from half a stone in a week! At my lowest (Saturday) I'd gone down to 51.5kg, just a few pounds over eight stone. In such a short space of time that seems extraordinary and highly improbable, but it's creeping back up a little as I cough a bit less and start eating a bit more normally. Hmmm, never though the fat lass would want to put weight on!

What I really want is a magic injection of energy. If you see any spare supplies looking for a good home...

Oh bottoms... and other things

My darling lovely hubby and the fat lass took a day's leave on Friday for a nice long weekend (we had something planned that we'd hoped was going to be a pretty good thing to do). But oh wobbly bottoms, flabby bellies and unkempt toenails! [the words in my head are much more rude] Things did NOT go even slightly to plan.

That Friday 'nice' and 'positive' thing turned out to be a significant failure, right at the final hurdle (sorry folks, can't tell you yet what it should have been at the moment). On top of that hubby had a bad head and the sniffles and then I was the one to develop a chesty man-flu doodah! Needless to say, we both didn't have a cheery weekend with that stuff happening. We're both at work today (albeit feeling bleh), but several of my colleagues rang in and are off with the same chesty thing and I'm seriously peeved as that's now three bouts of feeling crook within a month! Listen you health gods, this is NOT supposed to happen!! Guess I must be run down - certainly feel like it.

Worse, our food plans went a bit awry too. We did eat what we'd planned (good 'ol keto plans stayed intact), but to be honest it wasn't really very nice. Various odd and unusual disasters ensued. Although the sauteed chicken hearts were nice, the beautiful heart-shaped eggs I cooked (or tried to) for lovely hubby leaked out around the mould into the pan and looked a complete mess. Broken hearted was definitely the feeling!

Then Sunday evening we tried the new Systema microwave steamer thingy for the first time - sorry, but we're going back to the traditional steaming on the stove-top method. The poor cauli was horrid!

Worse, we discovered that the lovely looking ham hock we'd slow cooked turned out to be more fat than meat... er, a lot more. And, as much as we welcome fat it wasn't quite what we had in mind and that's also kiboshed our weekday breakfast plans as no leftovers emerged after I'd disposed of all the slimy bits.

There were some silver linings - hubby lost a kilo last week (not that he needs to desperately but it's something he's been wanting to do) and we did have a few positive bits on Saturday. So just be grateful fat lass. Life IS good - you just need to think about what others are going through right now and remember how damned LUCKY you are.

All in all, though it was less successful that we'd have liked there are still enough of Mum's blessings floating around to rescue matters. Like the beautiful flowers (tulips and daffodils) we bought. Like the crisp frost this morning. Like cuddles from my darling man.

Picnic night

It was a pretty rough week last week, in a lot of ways, with some very, very difficult news coming in from my oldest friend (for her sake, and for her family's, I won't share this), a selection of getting older and housing-related worries, and a tad more of a variety of irritating people and issues at work than usual to test my patience and resolve.

Oh yes, especially fun was the start of the week when I was also bedevilled by another (actually, probably the same) little bug which settled itself into my sinuses making me headachy, with ringing ears, seriously grumpy and dog-tired - indeed so grotty did I feel that my rowing was knocked off the cards again!

Speaking of dogs, that darned black dog saw his chance and took it too, and he had a field day. The blighter was slavering in the sidelines and nipping at my heels all week. Tears and minor tantrums were a part of just about every day, and I'm aware that I've been very impatient and cranky.

It was oh so tempting at times to stuff down all those negative emotions with food (ah yes, vending machine crappy chocolate bars, I am looking at you!) or, in the evenings, with a large glass of something alcoholic from over the border. Thankfully I managed to avoid both bear-traps and I neither comfort ate nor turned into the friendly neighbourhood lush. Quite an achievement, this feels, to be honest.

So my darling lovely hubby and I decided that we needed to give ourselves a break. Friday night was going to be a stress free zone, and we'd have a picnic and a glass of wine, maybe even watch a film, and R-E-L-A-X!

So we did just that, and it was lovely. We had some leftover roast pork from earlier in the week, and I bought some rather nice cheeses (Fourme d'Ambert and a Spanish goat cheese) and some gorgeous tiny green olives. Chopped celery aplenty and a half strawberry (artfully fanned, thanks to a lesson from lovely hubby) to garnish and we settled down to a feast for the eyes and to the taste buds. We listened to some great music too, even though we didn't quite make the film part. It did us both a lot of good... as did the weekend.

Sometimes, in life, we just need to stop, take stock, appreciate the good things in life and remember how lucky we are (hey, we're back to my beloved Mum's blessings here).

So here we are on Monday. Onwards, with a lot more energy, ever...