02 June 2008

OK, I give in

I just don't feel like me anymore and I'm hating it. Time for action!

For all I've said about me 'coping' with the bloody asthma, I've obviously been fooling myself and I've now just about had enough. Enough of coughing, rattling and wheezing like a ninety-year old who has smoked sixty Capstan a day since before the war, of waking up coughing in the night (so that's two of us not sleeping), of not exercising and generally feeling sluggish and unenergetic. It's off to the GP tonight, and whatever he suggests (steroid or no) I'll go with... gratefully!

I'm desperate to get back to my walking - not just the wheezy struggle from the closest bus stop to work. Hubby had only just begun to ask me to slow down when we were out walking together and now we are right back to me asking him to wait for me. I'm missing Chi Kung, my sessions at the gym, and I even want to wake again at 5a.m. and get on the rower to start my mornings off. I have no energy for any of it and I do not want to be this way.

I want to get back to eating and enjoying our 'proper' food, with lots of real fresh vegetables and flavour, for goodness sake. We've consumed (I can't even say 'eaten') a variety of assorted pre-prepared crap recently - no, I've been shovelling it down - since I haven't tasted much anyway and cooking seems like one big pain in the proverbial.

I want the needle on my bathroom scales to move away from the apparently sticky line at 77kg. I want to see it settle below 12 stone... and then keep going down. I've worked for it, so I want to be 11 stone something, and I want it soon!


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