Three strikes and...

We are not very far through the week at all, it's only got as far as Tuesday and already it seems that it was going to turn into one of 'those' weeks. Why?

Well, I've been fairly unmotivated of late and that sleepy old fat lass inside me has been biding her time... but this week she decided to try a take-over bid, making really pathetically lame excuses about eating and exercise, to which 'me' has been paying attention!

Yesterday morning I was 'too tired' after a hectic weekend so didn't get on the rower. Then it poured with rain at lunchtime so I didn't go walkies. In fact I sat on my tush at my desk all day and worked right through lunch and breaks too (stoopid woman!). Things had happened (not a great day with loads of problems) so I worked pretty late, to the point that lovely hubby came to collect me... so no walking again! Then, as it was so late and would be later still by the time we'd got home and cooked, we stopped off for a takeaway. Avert eyes now - I ate a whole portion of special fried rice and a pot of curried sauce even though I didn't really enjoy it. Why, for Pete's sake!

Then this morning we overslept, totally missing the alarm, so no rower once again. Breakfast was extremely rushed so I just spread some 'convenient' peanut butter on a small slice of bread... but thickly. When will I learn? I really should not ever have this deliciously evil stuff in my cupboards - I know I just cannot resist it! There was yoghurt in the fridge, an apple in the fruit bowl - both 'convenient' so why not choose those?

Another problematic morning at work, and then some sad news, saw me wolfing my lovely healthy lunch (blueberries, raspberries and Greek yoghurt) early, but then had me looking around for something to munch. The vending machine isn't all that far away and it contains delicious chocolate and crisps... It's another 'bad' day, so I was giving it some thought. It was showery outside so I decided to stay indoors too. What rubbish excuses, eh?

Then. thankfully, the penny then dropped.

OMG, what was I doing? This could be the start of the slippery slope back to the lazy and fat days. Stop looking for nibbles girl, get that bottom off the chair right now and W-A-L-K. If it rains, get wet. It won't kill you.

So I did, and got wet. It hasn't killed me. In fact I'm really pleased to have seen what I was doing and taken action straight away. It might only be a skirmish, and I may yet to win the war, but one battle down and,for today, the fat lass has lost.

Finding gratitude

I've read back over a few things I've writted (both posted and unposted) recently and have spotted a bit of negativity creeping in. Hmmm, time to stop that in its tracks! There is such a lot to be grateful for in life and 'now' would seem like a good point to remind myself of just a few of those important things.

Health.
Not just my own (for which I am supremely grateful) but the health of those around me. OK, it may not be peachy-perfect health in a lot of cases... in fact, for many the opposite is true, but I still have most of my family and friends around me and, whilst I would wish better health for them all, I'm truly grateful for the fact that they are still with me. Having lost people really dear to me, the missing never stops, although lovely memories live on.

Beauty.
It is all around me, in nature, in people, and sometimes in the most unexpected places. Even the rainbow pattern of a drop of oil on a roadside puddle has a beauty... if we take just a moment to look for it. I need to open my eyes again to 'see' it and appreciate it.

Simplicity.
The little things of everyday life. The simple pleasure of biting into a crisp apple. The caress of a gentle breeze on a hot day. Hearing a forgotten song which triggers a lovely memory. The joy of quietly reading. A cool glass of water. Simple things which mean a lot. For these I'm grateful.

Love.
Probably the most important of the many things to be grateful for. The love shown in my darling lovely hubby's eyes, of course. The love of family and friends is up high on my list, but the love and kindness of strangers is a huge thing too. The sincerity and support shown by folk out in blogland is something which can surprise me (nicely) still. I mustn't take any of this for granted. There's a Turkish saying "İki gönül bir olunca samanlık seyran olur" or "If two loves each other even a hay-house is a paradise".

Strange and unsettling comparisons

It's funny. Having expended so much effort and concentration in the last few years on reaching my goals, and bemoaning the status quo which seems to be the case these days, I've been brought up short to realise that much-coveted 'weight loss' is not always such a good thing.

A matter of a few days ago I was shocked rigid to realise that I've lost more in fat than my mother weighs in total. Considerably more. I don't say this in any self-congratulory way at all, but with a sense of utter incredulity. Indeed, most of this disbelief is absolute horror to realise just how little my darling Mum now weighs. Yep, we've been for another hospital visit.

I knew she was tiny. I knew she was frail. I knew she was built like a hummingbird... not even a wren or a sparrow. I also knew she was, because of various health issues, continuing to lose weight. What horrified me most was the realisiation of just how much of this has happened in the last year. The rate of change, unintentional change that is, is scary.

She now weighs a mere 35kg, and that's fully dressed with all the usual garments, a cardigan, outdoor shoes and an outdoor coat! OMG, that's only about five stone five pounds all told, so what does 'she' actually weigh without all that lot!

Less than a year ago we were fighting to keep her above six stone, worried that she'd dropped from six and a half, give or take, in a matter of months. Can't help admit it but I'm really rather worried for her. If you are the praying kind, or even if you aren't, spare her a thought... please.

Good stuff... and not so good

Right, time to ponder and take stock of where I am. I'd say that things are going pretty well in many respects, although not quite so fantastically in one.

I am definitely moving that bottom more! The daily rowing is building up nicely again and, while I'm not leaping out of bed with glee at 5 a.m. to hop on, I am at least consistently getting my sleep-mazed behind onto the rower and exercising myself into some semblance of consciousness. The walking is fine and I'm stepping out and taking more pleasure in it once again, both in the morning and at lunchtimes. I already feel more in control, marginally fitter (my knees are a wee bit easier) and a little more energised despite still falling asleep at inconvenient moments way too easily.

The food side of things is also doing pretty well. My peas-in-the-pod snacks seem to be keeping me on the straight and narrow during the day and portion sizes have generally been something to pat myself on the back for. Even a meal out with some (usually quite bibulous) friends at the weekend was a success - sensible choices and not too much of a good thing. Just one small glass of dry cider then switching to sparkling mineral water - pleased with that. The only thing I've truly pigged out on this week has been some fresh, ripe Kentish cherries. Oh well, if they will reduce the price to a pittance at the supermarket when they're near their sell-by date....

My weight has decreased a smidge-idgen but, since it is only very slightly, I don't think it'll get to where I hoped it might by the end of the week. Still, I'm happy that it is headed in the right direction, however slowly. Remind self of Aesop's tortoise and hare.

But, the down side to this tale of progress is that my waist measurement has gone up... and, since the last time I consciously measured, by a whole inch. What! Huh? Scratches head and whines 'noooo...does not compute!'.

Not great timing this, as those lovely sky-blue Levi jeans now seem an awfully loooong way off from being wearable... if ever. OK, I can 'sort of' do them up... but only by laying on my back on the bed and breathing in like a madwoman. Then they are soooo utterly painted-on, skin-tight it's untrue and provide me with a muffin top no-one in their right mind could envy! Not a great look, to be fair.

The increased dimension isn't water retention, apparently, as my rings are still loose so I guess it's real gain. I've noticed that I also seem a bit bigger in the belly, around the hips, but smaller (once again!) in the bust. This doesn't feel at all fair but I'm not going to get too hung up on it.

I think the abs cruncher may be the next thing out of mothballs. Aside from that, it's just keep at it and we'll see what happens over a longer period. Onwards ever.