28 August 2008

Slow progress?

Or is it progress at all?

I'm still lingering at around the 79kg mark and am still struggling with sensible eating. I can't understand what has happened to my motivation, which had been so good. Somehow it seems as though I don't 'want' to get back to a good routine. And this despite a variety of things to lift my spirits, like people I haven't seen for a while commenting positively about my weight loss!

I'm just really not 'fired up' in my mind to lose more weight for some reason - I think 'disengaged' pretty much sums things up. But why?

Putting things off to start all over 'next week', 'after the weekend' or 'sometime soon' has seemed far too easy an option for a while, so procrastination 'r us! I guess it's partly because I haven't identified a definite goal - something to look forward to and something concrete to work towards. So it follows that I've not been keeping my daily food and exercise record up-to-date every morning and I'm slipping again.

Just as bad is that I don't feel all that interested in those nice 'healthy' foods I had got into - even my fresh (and exhorbitantly expensive!) blueberries are palling a bit, as are baby plum tomatoes, rocket and cottage cheese. I think I'm craving something different, strongly flavoured perhaps? But I can't quite find a sensible option that pushes that particular button. I just know (from having tried a little bit whilst I was away) that pre-prepared 'junk' food doesn't fit the bill either - thank heavens.

On the positive side, I have got back to doing some more daily exercise, on top of the morning walk. I'm back to my rowing, hard as it is to get out of bed and onto the beast. No, it's not up to full speed or time, or anywhere near that yet, but I have started again and am beginning to build up gradually.

One obstacle has been that I've got a bit sidetracked by the exercises the Physio has given me... and there are now even more to try to remember to do! Realisation that I'd been fooling myself about my 'little problem' has dawned. The solution is going to be a very long-term, slow process and any significant progress will be all down to me. I think I've buried my head in the sand a bit over that.

The advice that I've probably been drinking too much water/other liquids has shaken me too - I thought that helped me in all sorts of ways. A rethink, methinks, but it'll be hard to go back to drinking less.

Goodness, what a whingeing mare I've turned into today. Things aren't great, but they could be one helluva lot worse. Maybe what I need is to sing Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" to myself each morning.


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