Slow progress?

Or is it progress at all?

I'm still lingering at around the 79kg mark and am still struggling with sensible eating. I can't understand what has happened to my motivation, which had been so good. Somehow it seems as though I don't 'want' to get back to a good routine. And this despite a variety of things to lift my spirits, like people I haven't seen for a while commenting positively about my weight loss!

I'm just really not 'fired up' in my mind to lose more weight for some reason - I think 'disengaged' pretty much sums things up. But why?

Putting things off to start all over 'next week', 'after the weekend' or 'sometime soon' has seemed far too easy an option for a while, so procrastination 'r us! I guess it's partly because I haven't identified a definite goal - something to look forward to and something concrete to work towards. So it follows that I've not been keeping my daily food and exercise record up-to-date every morning and I'm slipping again.

Just as bad is that I don't feel all that interested in those nice 'healthy' foods I had got into - even my fresh (and exhorbitantly expensive!) blueberries are palling a bit, as are baby plum tomatoes, rocket and cottage cheese. I think I'm craving something different, strongly flavoured perhaps? But I can't quite find a sensible option that pushes that particular button. I just know (from having tried a little bit whilst I was away) that pre-prepared 'junk' food doesn't fit the bill either - thank heavens.

On the positive side, I have got back to doing some more daily exercise, on top of the morning walk. I'm back to my rowing, hard as it is to get out of bed and onto the beast. No, it's not up to full speed or time, or anywhere near that yet, but I have started again and am beginning to build up gradually.

One obstacle has been that I've got a bit sidetracked by the exercises the Physio has given me... and there are now even more to try to remember to do! Realisation that I'd been fooling myself about my 'little problem' has dawned. The solution is going to be a very long-term, slow process and any significant progress will be all down to me. I think I've buried my head in the sand a bit over that.

The advice that I've probably been drinking too much water/other liquids has shaken me too - I thought that helped me in all sorts of ways. A rethink, methinks, but it'll be hard to go back to drinking less.

Goodness, what a whingeing mare I've turned into today. Things aren't great, but they could be one helluva lot worse. Maybe what I need is to sing Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" to myself each morning.

Astounded!

You could knock me down with a feather! OK, it would still take quite a sizeable feather - one from an ostrich, or a moa, maybe - but you could still knock me for six. Why? I hear you ask.

Well, this day has not been what I'd expected at all. It started with my trip to the physio.

Contrary to all my expectations, based on poor hubby's recent negative experiences, it was really, really useful and the woman who dealt with me and my 'little problem' was just great.

She spent over an hour with me and was really helpful and understanding, sympathetic even. She was happy to answer all my (silly?) questions and concerns, to the extent of getting out anatomical models to show me the muscles involved to help me understand what has caused the problem and what I need to do and to avoid, and why.

I came away feeling a lot more positive and with a swathe of exercises to do. No problem - I will follow her program willingly. Let's hope for some signs of improvement in the three weeks until I see her next. What's more, I've been promised some training on how to use the Swiss ball properly on my next visit.

But the real surprise of the day was visiting the dietician. I have, as I've mentioned in earlier posts, put on some weight and was dreading this 'confession' time. I thought she'd be disapproving and I'd end up feeling like a complete failure, even though there have been some pretty unavoidable reasons for my drifting off the weight loss pathway. Boy, was I ever wrong!

She asked me how things had gone in the last three months and, after I told her the tale of woe, weighed me. She then congratulated me!

Yes, I have gone back up to 80kg (clothed). Yes, that is an increase as I was 79kg when she last saw me. But she was pleased that, even though things had been pretty rough, I'd not piled on the weight and undone the good progress I've made over the last year or so. She reckons that is a good indication that when I reach my final target weight I will be able to maintain it.

We talked a bit about eventual targets, which is something I've always shied away from until now. We both agreed that somewhere around 67kg (ten and a half stone) should be achievable and she said that she'd be happy with that as a healthy weight.

Actually, she sees no reason I could not get down to 63kg, that's just a shade under ten stone.

So, I now have my target for this next year - all that remains is to set a short-term one to get me firmly back on track.

I am one very happy fat lass.