Review my starting point and begin again

First of all, I WILL NOT kick myself too hard or for too long about this three-month 'fall' off the wagon. I've come such a long way already that it isn't a total disaster, more a break in proceedings. I just have to pick myself up, dust my attitude down and start all over again.

And the overall damage? Well, I did, just about, get down to 76.5kg (in fact I hit 76kg very briefly) and I'm now back up to around 79kg, after a series of problems. OK, that isn't good but given an almost complete absence of exercise and some very silly food choices things could be a lot worse.

I need to come up with (or invent!) a definite target to aim for. October seems way too far away to focus on so it needs to be closer than that and something concrete. Time to think this through seriously.

Then, about the food I eat - I will get back to :-

• thinking... before I eat and making positive choices, not sliding back into old habits
• eating slowly and taking time to enjoy every forkful (put that book down, girl)
• eating only what I actually enjoy (don't like it = leave it)
• reducing the portions I dish up (broad white margins to every plate!)
• common sense choices - back to sensible substitution of 'naughty' items
• cutting down on salt again (not that it's been too bad actually)
• upping the amount of water I drink and choosing fruit teas over coffee or tea
• increasing the amount of fruit and veg I eat - it's summer, it's fresh, I love it!
• treating myself to really nice fruit for little snacks ('no thanks' to crisps & biscuits)

I will still allow myself the odd glass of wine or a small treat... BUT, just a little bit and taking time to actually enjoy it.

And then there's the exercise part of the equation! I need to get back to the rowing machine and abs in the mornings - starting off gently and building up gradually. Back to the gym too - even more carefully to begin with. And until Chi Kung starts again in September I need something to fill the gap - a return to my walks in the Botanic Gardens maybe?

The only way is up... and down

So much for the fighting talk from the last post. That's a long time ago and things have not gone well in the interval. Life's kind of got in the way again and I'm finding things a real struggle at the moment. I'm still not sleeping properly and this is definitely not helping me, either to get back on track or stay there.

Those pesky avoirdupois I mentioned brought their friends along. I'm now very peeved to report that, due to yet another health problem affecting both the exercise ('cos I damned well let it!) and my state of mind, I'm right back up at 79.5kg... and did briefly peak at just over 80kg again. This doesn't feel good, but on the other hand just staying here for a little while is, at least, better than getting even heavier!

I am all too aware that I'm my own worst enemy and that, because I got fed up about my 'little problem' and got rather leaky and tearful and 'poor me', I wasn't as careful in choosing my food as I should have been. More than that actually - let's just get the chocolate right out here in the open. Hmm, OK, it was not often but, in the last six weeks or so it was rather more than once! The portion control (or lack of it) has also been an issue - even my hubby commented (!) on it. Brave man.

Well, I am trying to get myself back to doing some exercise (even if it's only after a fashion, not up to full speed, as every little will help) and am making more of an effort with eating patterns. Fresh fruit is in once again, little 'treats' are out... mostly. Vegetables and big glasses of water are back to being my best friends. But, I'm really not finding it plain sailing at the moment though.

I'm hoping things will feel a bit more positive once I've seen the physio next week and have a proper game-plan to move forward and sort myself out a bit. I also get to confess my sins to the dietician on the very same day - and I'm not looking forward to that... at all.

Yeah, yeah, I know. What I need to do is go right back to how I first started and take note of my original plan - so better self-control, a positive outlook, a definite goal to keep in mind and to take a leaf from Nike's 'just do it' book. A bit of support and encouragement would be nice too. Know anyone?