09 June 2014

AWOL?

I guess I haven't been around here much for a while, mentally that is. I have been reading your posts (honest) but haven't even commented very much - sorry chaps. School report says 'must try harder'. You see, life has been giving out handfuls of Mixtures... and they've not really been those of the Dolly kind

Enough of the sweeties references, and let's get Led Zeppelin out of my system too - pardon me while I launch into a (badly sung) version of Good Times, Bad Times...

Hey, you know I've had my share! And, here they still are, oscillating from 'things are great' to 'stuff is crappy', repeat, repeat, repeat. I won't bore anyone with the gory details, but there have been/still are one or two greyish clouds on my personal horizon and, hard as I try to look only on the bright side of life, I've found I'm mired in a frettin' and a worryin' mode again.

When I do manage to drag myself up short to act like a grown-up for a moment, and take that 'oh so tricky' step back to look at this logically, I guess what I'm talking about here is actually a very normal part of life. OK, sure, but it doesn't stop me feeling down and frustrated and cross and a million other negative mind-set adjectives when I'm in the crappy phase.

Worse still, do you know what, after all the years of watching my food intake (quantity and quality!) during those inevitable low times, it STILL catches me out now and again. In fact, it just did - good and proper. Friday before last was the culmination of a not too great week and then something (brother related) happened which tipped me over the edge.

When life and the fat lass are not travelling peacefully along the rosy road, even now I find I want to dive headfirst into a pile of... er, pretty much anything edible to be honest. Just over a week ago this was signalled by descent into the Black Dog miseries and the rapid inhalation of (heck, I can't call it eating!) a complete bar... er yes, I did indeed say 'complete' bar... of 90% dark chocolate! Wait a minute, I thought you weren't supposed to be able to eat much of that stuff. What do you know - wrong, so very wrong!

Comfort eating it was, pure and simple, even though I KNOW full well (and knew full well at the time) that it isn't the answer. Proud of 'me' I was not as, surprise, surprise, the fat lass turned all 'fancy hungry' again and proceeded to give in to her inner brat. Janey Mac! This is crazy beyond words. Why don't I seem to be able to learn? Am I really 'that' old a dog and is this a trick truly beyond me?

Last week wasn't the best either and stoopid 'sibling' stress nearly got me again. So, that's the bad news. Oh, the good part...?

Well, my weight did spike briefly upwards but, after a much more sensible week last week (puttin' in the effort to make darned sure of it, my dears!), the scales returned to situation normal after a fairly short time. Call me lucky, though - had I not realised where this was heading and applied the brakes with a very firm foot it could so easily have been the start of something none too positive.

When I sheepishly confessed my chocolatey sins to lovely hubby on that Friday evening I didn't get quite the reaction I'd bargained for... which was really sweet in one way but also made me feel even more of a dolt. He just said it could have been worse, at least it was a 'relatively' low-carb sin.

That has made me think though. And what is in my head is actually cause for celebration.

Coincidentally, Mrs Swan just posted something about life being harder in stressful times without her old props, having to face up to certain feelings meaning that she 'feels' the sadness more often, and then goes on to talk about the fact that she's overcome/is getting through this 'sads' period anyhow and not eaten her way out of  things. Whether she recognises it yet, what a star she is!

And the overcoming part applies to me too. Yes, I struggled with some stressful news and I fell (leapt?) off the wagon. But it was a relatively short hop and I quickly saw what had happened and got back on track. That has to be down to changing to a low-carb, ketogenic lifestyle. If that isn't a blessing to be counted (yes, I'm still trying to live up to your ways, my lovely Mum) I don't know what is.

Onwards, ever...

1 comments:

Nikki said...

Don't worry about not commenting, it happens to us all :)

I also struggle with emotional eating but like your experiences it gets easier over time not to turn to food. Re-learning how to deal with frustration, sadness in a different way is hard. My tendency is still to first run to the refridgerator or cupboards rather than deal with my feelings. I'm getting better at not soothing myself with food every single time. Now it's just once in a blue moon. You can blame the blue moon too :)

Glad you were able to realise what was going on, stop and get back on track!

 
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